


More Than Roommates [DISCONTINUED]

by azena (orphan_account)



Category: Free!
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bottom Yamazaki Sousuke, F/M, Fluffy Moments, Haru likes ocean documentaries, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Reader-Insert, Smut, Threesome - F/M/M, a tiny bit of angst, competitive boys, relationships, silliness, smutty smut smut, your roomates are hot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-07-15 03:35:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 38,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7205552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/azena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You move in with three quirky guys who you gradually become close to. However one faithful night full of fun and alcohol you cross the border of just being friends. Can the poly-amorous relationship they are offering going to work out?</p><p>*A series of kind-of-chronologically-ordered one-shots about a poly-amorous relationship between Reader, Rin, Haru and Sousuke.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hazy nights

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everybody, as you have noticed this hasn't been updated in a while, for which I apologize. As I have gotten questions about when I will post again I thought it will only be fair to anybody that has been waiting that I take a decision. Unfortunately, I am discontinuing this work. It was so much fun to write it and I would definitely come back to it if I find the time but currently with the direction my life is taking I don't have the concentration to keep working on this. Therefore as anything I write right now will come out crappy I'd rather leave it like this. I sincerely apologize to anybody that has been waiting. Thank you so much for the support; this was truly a pleasure!
> 
> xxx  
> Azena

Roommates. You currently had three of them. More than enough. You came to live with them after, around a year ago, your previous roommate decided that she wants to move in with her boyfriend and asked you to find a new place. Yes, she did ask you but it was more like kicking you out because she knew you were a nice person and you wouldn’t say no and stand in the way of their love. So there you were with the desperate need for new housing. Thankfully you found something in your price range but the catch was that all your roommates were going to be men. You were a bit skeptical at first because the only man you had lived with was your brother and he was sometimes an unbearable slob. They were far from that however. When you first went to visit the apartment, the place was immaculate. No dirty socks or dishes lying around, hell, there was even no dust. Good first impression. They were also very nice and welcoming. Well, at least one of them, the redhead who you later found out was called Rin. He did most of the talking, showing you around and telling you how they just moved in this place so they can be closer to the university but the rent was a bit high so they wanted to have someone sub-rent the fourth bedroom to lower the costs. You weren’t really sure what to think about the other two though, Sousuke and Haruka. One of them was kind of glaring at you the whole time, like you ate his ice-cream or something, and the other just kept staring absentmindedly into the space around you. At least Rin assured you that they didn’t mean anything by it and that they will warm up to you.

All three of them apparently attended the same university as you and were involved in sports. It showed. Rin and Haruka were on the swim team, while Sousuke was studying for a competitive swimming coach. You wondered why he was not competing as well but you did not want to be too nosy. You personally were not a very big sports enthusiast and the last time you did exercise you felt like you were going to puke so you were kind of wondering how living with them will be like. However you did not have many options and they needed someone to move right away which fit you perfectly so you decided to give them a chance. Their good looks might or might not have also played a role in your decision. Later that week they were nice enough to help you move your things into your new room. Thank god you didn’t have to do all the heavy lifting.

That is how your cohabitation began. At first it was a bit difficult to adjust, given that they were a bit of a weird bunch. The first time you saw Haruka cooking fish in the kitchen with only jammers and an apron on you almost spit out your coffee, but by now that as surprising as having to drag him out of the bath in the morning so you can use it. It also took a bit of getting used to seeing these gorgeous guys walking half naked around the apartment, apparently unbothered by your presence. You personally tried to be at least respectably covered when leaving your room out of decency and a bit of body shame, but they apparently did not care about that. Probably because of all the time they spent in jammers around the pool. You could no longer count the times you walked on Sousuke in boxer shorts, drinking juice right out of the bottle in front of the fridge. Not that you minded, as a mainly heterosexual female that was a view you silently enjoyed.

When you overcame the initial shock caused by their slight tendency for exhibitionism you got to know them and with time you grew close to all of them, having appreciation for their small quirks. Like how Haruka, who insisted you call him Haru, rarely showed any emotion and seemed like a generally guarded person but still found ways to show his fondness of you, like how he would make your morning coffee if he woke up before you and how he would wait for you every morning, when you schedules aligned, so you can walk to the uni together. He also always sensed when you were in a bad mood and snuck chocolate in your room. You really appreciated his thoughtfulness and attention to detail.

Rin was the absolute opposite. A wear-you-heart-on-you-sleeve kind of guy. Whatever he felt was directly shown on his face, making him super easy to read. He was easily irritated but also fast to laugh and generally the life of the party. You really appreciated his energy and it was thanks to him that you survived your first days in the apartment. Apparently he had the other two wrapped around his finger, and in the beginning you had the feeling that he was the one to make the decision to let you live with them, as the others did not look very happy with you being there. Thankfully that gradually changed. But still Rin became your closest person in the house, the go to shoulder to cry on, as well as chatting and television-series binging buddy. You shamelessly enjoyed your lazy evenings in sweatpants either on the couch or one of your beds appreciating whatever new Netflix had to offer.

Sousuke rivaled Haru in difficulty level of getting close to. He really intimidated you in the beginning, with his towering frame, firm muscles and piercing gaze, making you try and avoid him for the first couple of weeks. The first time you saw him laugh was when you slipped in the kitchen and landed on the butt. When he finish chuckling he did help you up and since then has not stopped mocking what a klutz you were. You didn’t really mind because firstly you were very much a klutz and secondly that incident kind of made a breakthrough in your relationship. Maybe you hadn’t given him enough of a chance because once you actually started talking you realized that under that hard exterior he was actually a great guy. He was passionate and determined with great sense of loyalty even though sometimes he went a bit overboard with his training. He was also really into alternative music and introduced you to some great bands. You even got to go to some small concerts with him which was a lot of fun. Apparently he was also very handy, probably to compensate for his absolute lack of direction. He was the one who helped you put together your bed when you finally got a proper one.

The guys apparently knew each other long before university. You only knew bits and pieces from their history though as they did not talk that much in detail about it, but it showed in their relationships with one another. Sousuke and Rin were extremely competitive with each other, which was confirmed when you had to judge their chubby bunny contest and ended up with a shirt covered with sticky marshmallows, after Rin decided to give Sousuke a tap on the back. But Souske got back to him a week later when he put flower in Rin’s hairdryer causing the redhead to chase him around the apartment throwing things at him, which the other expertly dodged. This was probably not their first rodeo. Even though sometimes it was hard to handle, their childlike demeanor was kind of refreshing.

Their relationships with Haru were something completely different though. Rin and Haru had this weird connection with each other. They were also competitive but in a way that made each other improve and develop. They were absolute opposites in some aspects but they definitely clicked well together and used it to their advantage. Sousuke and Haru on the other hand had this love-hate relationship going on. You could see that there was probably some kind of history between them, although you weren’t really sure what. Most of their exchanges consisted of snarky comments and grunts, and they still called each other by their last names, but underneath it you could sense that they didn’t really hate each other, but rather did it out of habit or something.

These were you roommates and to be frank you were happy to have them in your life. Most of the time it was the four of you in different combinations hanging around the house or occasionally doing some kind of outing. You hadn’t really seen them bring any girls, or boys for that matter, back to your house so you did not really know what exactly was going on in that department. You just assumed that they were too busy with their sports for dating, until one faithful night when you couldn’t fall sleep and were rummaging through the fridge for a midnight snack, you heard restrained moans from Rin’s room accompanied by Rin’s and Sousuke’s voices calling out each other’s names in the midst of passion. Even though you were a room away you felt a bit like a voyeur. Not that you had anything against what they were doing. Free love and all that stuff. You just hadn’t really thought about them in that context before. Afterwards you started noticing small things like lingering touches and lustful looks, which convinced you that they were probably together, although you refrained to directly ask them about it in case they were not ready to share. It was their secret to tell and you decided against being nosy. As for Haru you had no idea what was up with him, being as how introverted he was, you didn’t want to force him back into his shell with intrusive questions, now that he had warmed up to you.

So that was how life went by in your household. Between classes, training for the boys and part time work for you, regular dinners at home together and the occasional outings you didn’t have time for much else. It was the end of an especially busy period for you and you were happy when Rin suggested you have a night out to celebrate his splendid performance at the last competition he participated in. Haru decided to skip though, not being one for loud crowded places so it was a going to be only Rin, Sousuke and you. You were a bit anxious because even though you really wanted to go, you didn’t want to intrude on possible alone time for the two, but even before you opened your mouth to say something Rin cut you off and shoved you in your room to change. It was still early so you decided to start at home with some beers and video games until it was time to head to the club. Oh, it was so nice to just let your hair down a bit and by the time it was time to leave, you were already starting to feel a bit tipsy. However you tried not to show it because the guys were apparently unaffected by the beer and you didn’t want to look like the lightweight that you were.

The guys had dressed up a bit for the occasion, making them even more of an eye-candy. Sousuke was wearing dark blue jeans and a black shirt that hugged his frame nicely showing off the curves of his muscles in a classy way. Rin had opted for ripped jeans and a loosely fitting white v-neck t-shirt covered by a casual jacket. You were sure that the girls at the club were going to be all over them but once you got there they used you as a shield for any possible female invasions. That was ok by you anyways, as being around them assured you an evening free from guys hitting on you and trying to get in your pants, which is just what you wanted and needed that night. A couple of shots down and you started being even louder and less bothered by physical contact, proven by the fact that you had one of your arms folded on Sousuke’s shoulder while one of his was wrapped around your waist, him sitting on a bar stool putting him on relatively the same height as you. Meanwhile you were shouting over the music, explaining heatedly some story from you daily university adventures to Rin who was looking at you amused. Another song came up and you started swaying a little, gaining confidence in your moves. Noticing that Rin grabbed you by the hand and said that you had to go dance and started dragging you in the direction of the dance floor. You gave a questioning look to Sousuke who hadn’t moved from his chair but he just indicated that you should go with Rin, giving you a little smirk, which you missed because that last shot was starting to kick in. You promised yourself that that will be the last one as you did not want to be sick and ruin the evening for everybody.

Rin lead you to the dance floor which was filled with warm bodies. Some were just having a bit innocent fun, some were going all out jumping and bouncing around the floor, and there were also those couples that thought dancing is equivalent to dry humping. Well you know how they say that the way one dances indicates how good of a lover they are. If that saying is true Rin would probably be amazing in bed, you thought to yourself, looking at the redhead swaying his hips fluidly to the beat of the music. You had seen him dance a couple of times before but it didn’t seize to amaze you got good he was at this and probably other things. You mentally slapped yourself. That was not way to think of your roommate, who as far as you knew was gay and in a relationship, regardless of how much you drunk. You tried to focus on your moves instead, trying not to embarrass yourself or slip on spilled beer. You were starting to enjoy yourself, smiling at Rin, who was giving you playful looks, but you didn’t make much of them as that was just his usual behavior, playful being his middle name. You were entranced by the sound in your ears, the steady beat of the music resonating in your chest and the lights that were engulfing you into an alcohol induced euphoria. You felt a hand grab your and pull you lightly. Thankfully it was Rin and not some creep. He put a hand on your waist and started slowly swaying with you. He pushed you slightly away and made you turn, pulling you back close. That did not fit the music at all but you found it cute so you just gave him a short laugh. He held you closer, continuing his fluid movements and taking you with him, so you could feel his body pressed against yours. You were close as friends and physical contact was not absolutely absent from your relationship but it was never in this context. You tried not to think much about it because that’s how people danced with their gay best friends, right, no sexual tension, just innocent grinding with a person who you knew would not be interested in you. You felt a bit guilty though. If he was somebody’s boyfriend was it really right.

However you were brought out of your thoughts by another body pressing against yours from the back. You tilted your head and you saw Sousuke smiling lightly at you, his hands on your waist. Was he mad? Was he going to drag you away from his boyfriend? You were a bit scared for a second but he just pushed close to you, his big hands slowly tracing your sides, hips following the rhythm of the music. For a couple of moments you were lost in the sensation. You were in a sandwich of exquisite male specimens, feeling toned muscles against your lightly clad body. A strong blush made its way to your face and you hoped the club lights masked it well. This was getting a bit sexier than just innocent dancing-with-your-friends situation. Maybe it was just you though because the other two did not show any signs of discomfort or abnormality. After a couple more minutes like that, feeling their bodies close to yours, it was getting too much to take and you definitely did not want to suffer through them noticing how aroused this dancing was making you. So you just excused yourself and headed for the bar. You ordered a water, hoping that it will cool you down, when they joined you.

“Hey, are you ok (F/N)?” – Rin asked scooting closer so you can hear him over the music

“Ah, yeah fine, fine” – you tried to hide the awkwardness you were feeling “it was just getting a bit too warm and I wanted to get a drink” – you tried to explain. Not that it was a lie, it was just omitting some details.

“Then how about we get us something stronger” – Sousuke shot you a half-smile and ordered something. Before you could protest you were handed two small shot glasses.

“I don’t know if I should guys..” – You looked a bit worried at them.

“Oh, come on! Live a little! When was the last time we went out together? Don’t be a little bitch now. Plus if you get too drunk Sousuke will carry you home” He offered, to which Sousuke just huffed but did not protest. You did not really like being called a little bitch and you really hated saying no to Rin. It was almost impossible when those red eyes stared into your soul. So you just laughed and downed the first glass.

“Oi, wait for us” Retorted Sousuke. First shot and your worries from before were fading away. Second shot and you stopped caring more or less about anything. The rest of the night was a hazy mix of dancing, innocently and not so innocently, and shouts over the music, leaving your throat a bit sore. You were probably going to have no voice tomorrow. At some point when you all started to sober up and the place was starting to empty, you decided to head back to your home sweet home.

“Sousuke, you promised to carry me home, so come on don’t leave me hanging” you beckoned him with a hand once you were outside. No inhibitions were left and you were rather curious to see the world from the perspective of his height.

“I promised nothing” Sousuke just shrugged and put his hands in his pockets. “That was all Rin”

“If you are not going to surrender voluntarily, you leave me no choice but to climb you like a three” You said and threw yourself on his back arms wrapping around his neck. He of course caught you, holding your legs close to his ribs to steady you.

“Pff, fine, just stop chalking me, ok?” He tried to look annoyed but you knew he was on the verge of laughing at your childish attitude. Rin was giggling next to you and slapped your conveniently sticking out butt.

“Oi, Matsuoka, hands off” You said mock annoyed pouting at him. You even tried to shake a finger at him but you almost lost balance so you returned your hand to Sousuke’s shoulder.

“Couldn’t help it, it’s in my face” He said muffling laughs with his fist “Plus don’t pretend you don’t enjoy it. We heard you with that last boyfriend of yours” Oh, fuck. “ _Yeah, baby just like that_ ” He tried imitating your voice “I can still remember the sound of his hand on what I assume was your behind” The embarrassment of the realisation made you sober up.

“Whaat?! Oh, shit. Really?!” Your face was now redder than a tomato. You always was a bit self-conscious about the noises you made in heated moments of passion and this was definitely not helping with that “This is so fucking embracing. I thought I was quiet” You said that last part under your breath but Rin apparently caught it.

“Quiet? Is that what you call quiet? I am sure the neighbors on the first floor were able to hear you.” This statement just made you bury our face in Sousuke’s back wanting the earth to swallow you then and there. Apparently Sousuke gave Rin a look, so he added “Ah, calm down I am just teasing. It wasn’t that bad. It was more of a surprise that anything else” He looked down to the ground digging his hands deep in his pockets.

“Just don’t mention it again ok.” You muttered against Sousuke’s shoulder and you were happy that you were at the door because the alcohol was wearing off and you were starting to feel tired. “Dibs on the bathroom” you called and followed with a light tap on Sousuke’s head “Come on horsey, next stop the bathroom”

“Oi, don’t push your luck or I’ll drop you in the bathtub”

“Aren’t you irritable?” You poked his cheek. “You know you can’t be mad at me mister Grumpy”

“Come on, queen of the spanking, it is time for your bath” He let you slight off his showers and gave you a small bow, riling you up even more, after the name he gave you but whatever comes around goes around, so you just shut the door in his face with a pout.

The shower was a blessing after all the sweating and drinks spilled on you by drunk people at the club. It refreshed you and now you were feeling only slight remains of alcohol in your system. You were quite the lightweight but thankfully you didn’t get bad hangovers. Once you were all clean and wrapped around with a towel you ran to your room, dressing in some loose pajamas. You grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen and slouched on the couch enjoying the coldness of the drink sliding down your throat.

“I thought you would be asleep by now” Rin sat next to you lifting his legs on the couch over yours, letting his head drop on your shoulder and arms wrap around your waist.

“Oi, Rin, what do you think you are doing? You are still sweaty, get off.” You nudged his head with your shoulder but he didn’t move.

“Sousuke beat me to the shower after you, and I am tired. Plus as I have told you before you make such a nice pillow, so just shush” He nuzzled his head in your shoulder and you gave up the fight. Plus his warmth was comforting after your cold shower. You let your head relax on the back of the couch and you could feel the heat of Rin’s body lulling you to sleep. You felt his fingers start to lightly move over your abdomen, drawing small circles. It felt comfortable so you didn’t stop him, just letting out a small sigh. With time his movements started being balder, encouraged by your raising pulse, caressing the sensitive flesh on your sides and just above the band of your pajama bottoms. You should probably stop him. Not that you were not enjoying this, you were, a lot. But he is your friend and he was in a relationship. It was not right. But it felt so nice. Finally his hand moved upwards grazing over one of your hardening nipples, making a light moan escape your lips. Oh, shit, you didn’t just moan. Your eyes shot open and you looked at Rin meeting his eyes, shining with an unknown to you spark. Looking at you he ran his fingers over the same nipple, making sounds want to spill out of your mouth but you bit your lip trying to prevent them. That just drove him over the edge of his patience and he moved his misbehaving hand to your nape and brought your lips together. The kiss started slow giving you the opportunity to push him away if you wanted, but as much as you knew you should, you didn’t. His lips moving against yours were so sweet and you realized just how much you have wanted to do this before. As his tongue made its way in your mouth things started to get more hot and heavy and you slid a hand to his back feeling the well-defined muscles dancing under your fingers. Everything else was far away from your mind, leaving only the feeling of his hot mouth on yours, the swirl of tongues and teeth playfully nibbling on aroused flesh. That was until you felt a hand on your thigh and a deep voice close to your ear.

“Tsk, are you having fun without me” That made you jump, breaking the kiss as you looked between the two males like a dear in headlights.

“Don’t look so scared, we are not going to eat you, unless you ask nicely” Sousuke smirked at you. Oh, god why was he allowed to be this hot. That did not help your confusion in the situation though. Why wasn’t he mad?

“This is not what it looks like” was the first thing that escaped your mouth. Were you a liar now as well as other-people’s-boyfriends-kisser? Of course it was exactly what it looked like you were snogging Rin. You looked at your partner in crime all he did was smirk at Sousuke who returned a knowing gaze.

“Wait, wait, what is happening” Something was not adding up. You looked back at Rin. He started this. Well maybe it was also partly your fault but regardless.

“Well, I am obviously making a move on you and you were clearly liking it” He shot a glance at your nipples now proudly sticking out through your shirt.

“But what about you? Why aren’t you mad? I am kissing your boyfriend.” You turned to Sousuke who still had his hand on your thigh and, you now noticed, was wearing only a towel draped around his waist, moisture still glistening on his skin from his shower. He just snorted a laugh and looked at you amused.

“My boyfriend?” He crooked an eyebrow and exchanged a suggestive look with Rin who still had his hands around you.

“Well, aren’t you guys together? You know you aren’t particularly quiet yourselves when it comes to bedroom activities.” That just made both of them laugh, especially provoked by your confused look, underlined with some kind of pure innocence. Thankfully Rin cared to explain.

“Ah yeah, we do that sometimes. But we are not together like that. I mean yeah, we have sex and we care a lot about each other but we are not excusive. It is more of an open relationship we like to share with people that we like” He started running his fingers through your hair in an attempt to get you to relax and feel a bit more comfortable.

“And we were going to ask if you wanted to join us, as we have grown close to you in the last couple of months and definitely find you attractive” Sousuke stroked your thigh lazily sending chills down your spine. With those two so close to you, touching you it was hard to process their words. You didn’t really feel like they were intruding in your personal space, it was just quite the surprise.

“Wait a minute, was tonight some elaborate plan to get me drunk and in bed with you too” At the thought you started laughing quietly. Not in a million years would you have thought that you will be in this situation. Your comment however made Sousuke get a bit defensive.

“Hell, no, we are never going to take advantage of you or make you do something that you don’t want. Tonight was just for fun and we planned to talk to you about all of this after, before lover boy here jumped the gun” He shot an accusing glance at Rin who just shrugged.

“She looked so sexy lounging on the couch like that, I couldn’t help myself” He nuzzled his nose in the crook of your neck. “But you know, you can always say ‘no’ if you are not up for it and it is not going to change anything. We will just go back to how things were, blame it on the alcohol and never mention it again.” His voice was low and reassuring making you finally relax a bit.

“We can also just give it a try if you want, and if you think it is not for you, you can tap out later. No pressure” He looked at you with those pacific blue eyes and you thought you were drowning in them. By now you felt completely comfortable with them in such close proximity, finally starting to think about their proposal and the situation. You gorgeous roommates, who you cared about deeply and were right now some of your closest people, and with whom you anyways spent most of your time, were asking you to become something more than their friend. Not that you have never thought about it before. It couldn’t be helped with them parading their perfect bodies around the house you just never thought this was even an option. It was a bit confusing thought, you understood the sex part of the proposal but the rest was a bit of a haze, so was it really worth it. But anyways let’s run through the checklist- Did you care about them? Yes. Did they care about you? As far as you knew, yes. Did you find them attractive? Hell, yes. Did you want to have sex with them? Quite strongly, yes. Could this get complicated? Possibly. Final verdict:

“Ok, let’s try it.” You finally gave them a reply. Maybe your reply was fuelled by your hormones and all the teasing you received throughout the night but what was the harm in trying it out anyways. You could feel the tension in the room evaporate when Rin gave you a teasing smirk.

“So why don’t we continue from where we left off” He leaned in for a kiss which at first was just a light press of lips but slowly grew more passionate. When his fingers returned to your nipple you gasped giving his playful tongue the opportunity to explore your mouth. You started to give in to the bliss like before when you felt Sousuke’s hands trail higher and higher up your thigh almost reaching your core and sending pleasant shivers down your spine. He pressed his mouth to your neck trailing kissed up to you ear and giving your lobe a gentle suck, which made you moan out quietly. Your sounds of enjoyment encouraged them to continue their ministrations even more passionately, making even more moans escape your lips. You were drowning in the pleasure of the moment when you finally decided to try and participate more actively. You snaked one hand in Sousuke’s hair and tugged lightly making him growl in the crook of your neck. Oh, his voice was music to your ears. Even though you didn’t want to admit it that husky low tone could probably make you wet just from whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

He trailed kisses down your chest and removed Rin’s hand so he can get better access to your perky breasts. Rin on the other hand moved to your neck giving you teasing bites. You hand was trailing down his back, digging in his skin a bit every time he bit with more intensity. He licked on your earlobe and whispered “So, how are you feeling?” You couldn’t answer but just moaned as Sousuke’s tongue swirled around your hardened bud. He had pulled your shirt up and was now enjoying playing with your sensitive nipples.

“Yeah, Sousuke is very good with his mouth” Rin continued grazing your ear with his hot breath

“Maybe he can give you another treatment which I am sure you will thoroughly enjoy” As an answer Sousuke just hummed around your nipple and ran two finger over the slit of your still clothed core. The new sensation made you arch your back.

“Mmm, that will be a pleasure, seeing how responsive you are.” He gave your core another long stroke making you arch your back again “Come on, I think it is time to change location” He didn’t even wait for you to respond, but lifted you in his strong arms and walked you both to Rin’s bedroom, with Rin following shortly after. Closing the door, Rin positioned himself sitting against the headboard, looking at you two. Sousuke placed you on the soft mattress and looked you in the eyes.

“I think you should be wearing less clothes” You didn’t start to do anything at first, and blushed deeply. Was this the most appropriate time for your body consciousness to kick in? Probably not but it couldn’t be helped around these two god-like guys who started taking their shirts off. Rin scooted closer to you on the bed.

“Hey, no need to be shy, princess. Let us take care of you” That sweet reassuring tone made you forget you worries, so you just lifted your arms up allowing Rin to peel you shirt off leaving your chest bare. You were never one to dominate in bed so you were glad that they were taking charge. Sousuke took off your bottoms so now you were left only in you undies but he made no attempt to get them off yet. Rin moved to his previous position and tapped the space between his legs for you to sit. You complied and made yourself comfortable with your back to his chest. You could feel his semi-firm bulge against the small of your back but it didn’t really bother you. It rather thrilled you to think about his growing excitement. He ran his warm hands up and down your shoulders making you relax into his touch. You both were looking at Sousuke who finally peeled off the towel around his waist to reveal a pair of tight boxer shorts which perfectly insinuated his v. Drinking in his appeal made both of you even more excited. He climbed on the bed and slowly made his way to kneel in front of you. He gave Rin a short kiss on lips over your shoulder. You had never really seen them kiss before and you were surprised at how much that turned you on. It was mesmerising.

He soon broke away from Rin and turned to you. He cupped your cheek in one of his broad palms and brought you closer until you could feel his breath against your face. He looked into your eyes like he was waiting for your approval so you diminished the last centimeters left between you and crashed your lips. His kiss was different. It was slow and determined but just as passionate. He circled your tongue with his slowly prodding around your warm cavern and licking as much as you would give him access to. He left you breathless and when we moved to kiss down your neck you tool a couple of shallow ragged breaths. That was probably the swimming training because he definitely did not seem to mind the lack of oxygen. He slowly moved down your abdomen and Rin’s hands move to bring your thighs further apart to accommodate his broad shoulders. Sousuke finally got close to where you wanted him to touch you the most but he was taking his sweet time teasing you. He left open mouth missed all over your thighs, getting closed but never quite getting there. It was making you shiver and it was getting harder to keep your voice down. He slowly ran two fingers over your underwear which was already dampening. You bit on the back of your fist in a desperate attempt to be quieter. But Rin took your hand and pinned it on the mattress under his.

“No, no princess. We want to hear all your sweet mewls” He whispered in your ear.

“But what about Haru” You stuttered trying to control you voice, remembering your other roommate who was very much likely in the house.

“Don’t mind him, it is only us here” He gave a light nip to your neck and all your thought evaporated when you felt Sousuke’s tongue trail over your underwear.

“Mmm, somebody is wet already. I can taste you through your panties. Maybe we should get them off” He hooked his thumbs under your garment and slid it down your thighs. Chilly air hit your warm and dripping core but the feeling was long forgotten when Sousuke spread your legs with his strong hands and gave a lock lick to your clit. Oh, that sweet sweet electricity zap ran through your body making your eyelids close in pleasure. He did that a couple of more times, making loud hungry moans leave your throat. He moved to lick over your swollen lips making your thighs shiver with the anticipation of building please. Then he replaced it with a finger running over your folds and lightly suck on your clit. That made your hand shoot and bury your fingers in his dark locks. Apparently he liked that as you could feel him smile against your wet lips as he intensified his movements. It felt so good that you threw your head back into Rin’s shoulder, giving a loud moan and started involuntary to rock your hips with Sousuke’s movements. Rin decided to get involved and licked his fingers bring them to your breasts, lightly squeezing and stoking you nipples. The added stimuli was amazing. Your whole body was just shivering and buzzing with pleasure. You wanted something more. Sousuke felt that and he finally moved one of his finger to your entrance and slid it in, meeting no resistance. After a few strokes he found your sweet spot and it made you arch your back ever harder. He presses his other hand on your thigh to steady you as he continued to press into the same stop with every stroke of his long finger. The pressure his tongue put on your clit was not lessening as he started licking it faster. Your whole mind was pleasure. You turned your head burying it in Rin’s neck, trying to quiet yourself, as you bit in his warm flesh, making him moan. The intensity of all hands on your was getting unbearable and you knew you would come undone soon.

“Sousuke..I.. I am.. ahhh” You tried to let him know but it was getting harder as the knot in your stomach was winding tighter and tighter.

“Please do. Come for us (F/N)” That husky voice was the end of you and you felt your fingers clutch tightly in his locks as you were coming hard. Rin held you close as Sousuke rode you through your orgasm with his fingers. When you finally stopped shaking he pulled them out and rested his head on your thight. You were still breathing heavy and Rin was stroking your sides lovingly bringing your tingling body back to reality. Getting back some of your composure you managed to whisper.

“That was amazing. Thank you!” That just made Sousuke laugh.

“You don’t have to thank me, come on.” He continued laughing lightly “How can you be so cute right after an orgasm. You are like a little kitten” Rin rested his chin on your shoulder still hugging you and agreed with him

“That shall be your nickname from now on” You were not really sure about that but you felt so spent that you did not have the strength to protest. Finally Sousuke stood on his knees. You could see your juices still shining on his mouth and chin. He got close and gave Rin a long wet kiss letting the other taste you on his tongue.

“Mmm, sweet like honey. Now I see why you enjoyed it so much Sou“ He smiled into the kiss, making you blush lightly.

Sousuke pressed his body against yours deepening the kiss with Rin and you couldn’t help but wrap your legs around his waist. Rin’s hand moved back to your breasts and you dig your nails in Sousuke’s back as you felt him start rolling your buds between his fingers. You started kissing Sousuke from his shoulder up to his neck leaving a trail of red marks. When you finally got to the soft skin under his ear he have a low moan and rolled his hips, pressing his clothed erection against your oversensitive skin. You made an uncomfortable sound. And he immediately withdrew from Rin to look at you worriedly.

“Sorry, do you wanna stop here. It’s no problem” He stroked you cheek trying to make sure you are ok.

“No, no. I’m just a little bit sensitive down there and the texture of your underwear is not helping” You tried to sound sexy and give him a smirk. You were not sure if it worked but you got what you wanted as he swiftly removed his boxers to reveal his hardened length. His member was of average length and as beautiful as the rest his body. You licked your fingers and brought them to his pulsing head giving him a few slow torturous strokes making him bury his face in your neck and moan. His hot breath has riling you up again. When he raised his face you could see his eyes were dark with lust, but rather than having you continue he brought your attention to Rin.

“Kitten, why don’t you help Rin out of those pants? I think they got too tight for comfort” You had totally forgotten that Rin was the only one still half-dressed so you swiftly turned to kneel in front of him and pressed several heated kisses on his abdomen before you lowered yourself to undo the buttons of his jeans and slowly started to slide them down. Sousuke took advantage of your butt raised in the air and gave your folds a quick lick making you moan. As he continued doing that the task of getting Rin’s pants off was getting more and more difficult but you finally managed and threw them across the room. You could feel his breath hitch when you nuzzled against his obvious erection. You slipped his underwear down to his hips to reveal his hardened member. He was quite bigger than average and you were sure you definitely could not fit all of him in your mouth but you were gonna try your best. But not yet. You started by teasing him a bit leaving little bite marks on his tights covering them with open mouth kisses. You tried to control your movements as much as you could, given that Sousuke’s tongue was buried deep in your core. You moaned against Rin’s skin still not reaching his shaft and he could not take it anymore.

“(F/N) please” His lustful voice could persuade you to do almost anything so you wrapped a hand around his length and gave a long lick to his swollen head, making him tremble. You continued to slowly take his length in until it hit the back of your throat making you gag slightly. 

"Fuck (F/N) you look so sexy like that” At the voice you raised your gaze, cock still in mouth, to look at Rin. He had his eyes half lidded in pleasure making you want to give him more. You brought your lips up and sunk down again, your hand helping to compensate for what you could not fit in your mouth. You felt Sousuke move and grab something from the drawer. You looked at him and realized what he wanted to do. He asked you an unvoiced question and you just nodded returning to pleasuring Rin who now had his hand in your hair, helping you bobble you head up and down. You braced yourself when you felt Sousuke’s tip align with your entrance and slowly push in, making you moan around Rin, triggering him to moan as well. Sousuke waited until your body got used to him and started building a slow rhythm. After a couple of slides he found that magical spot that made you arch your back. The thick cock in your mouth was preventing any loud sounds from escaping. Sousuke was much quieter than Rin who was getting louder and louder every time you swirled your tongue around his sensitive head. You could feel the pleasure building inside you and when Sousure started thrusting in you in fast erratic movements, sneaking a hand to stroke your clit in small circles, your knew you were not going to last that long. As you felt you orgasm building you removed your mouth from Rin fearing that you would not be able to control yourself enough and not hurt him with your teeth or something. Instead you started stroking him fast and hard while giving his thighs and testicles wet kisses. You could feel Sousuke sliding in and out of you with fast strokes, each time hitting the same sweet spot and soon you came undone clenching around him tightly. He continued slowly but deeply riding you through your orgasm until with a final sharp thrust he emptied himself in the condom and stilled. Rin was the last one to come, prompted by all the buildup, the view in front of him and your hand twisting around his manhood. Several streaks on thick white fluid shot on his abdomen as you milked him though his orgasm. You were a heaving panting mess and when Sousuke finally pulled out you slumped down next to Rin burying your face in the bed covers trying to catch your breath.

Rin reached for a tissue to clean himself while Sousuke tied the condom and disposed of it. A minute later, you could feel a warm body spooning yours and you lazily turned to see a still very naked Sousuke pressed against your back with a hand draped around your waist, breathing in your neck. Rin laid on his side in front you, slender fingers brushing your hair out of your eyes. Nobody spoke until finally Rin broke the silence.

“Well that happened”

“Yeah it did” You responded with a light chuckle.

“Was it good for you” Sousuke asked. Did he have performance anxiety or something? With all his confidence and attitude.

“Do you really have to ask?” You just gave his thigh a squeeze and pushed yourself even deeper in his embrace. Nobody made an attempt to move for what felt like hours but was probably just a couple of minutes. When you finally tried to stand Rin’s hand brought you back down.

“Where do you think you are going?” he looked at you with one eyebrow raised

“To my bed” Wasn’t that what you do after casual sex, or was this a different situation.

“You are sleeping here tonight, princess. I said we are going to take care of you and that includes cuddles” The way he said cuddle made you chuckle like a schoolgirl. But was cuddles part of this whole deal. What was this relationship that they wanted to have? Rin seemed to see the question in your eyes so he answered your unvoiced question. “Let’s talk about the details in the morning. Just get some rest now.” He kissed your forehead and got some blankets to cover you three. You could feel Sousuke’s even breath against your nape lulling you to sleep as Rin entangled his legs in yours and brought your foreheads together. With the warmth surrounding you, you drifted off.

* * *

You woke up alone and you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. You had no idea what time it was but if the sun coming from the window was any indication, it was probably past noon. Your mind drifted to the events from last night. Did that really happen? The lack of the boys around you made you feel like you dreamt it all. However you were not in your own room but Rin’s and very much still naked under the blankets. Probably not a dream. You got up and tried to find your underwear but when you couldn’t, you just opted for wearing something of Rin’s. You hoped that after everything that happened he would not mind. Plus you couldn’t really run to your room naked. What if Haru was in the living room, him being the only one who hasn’t seen you naked yet. So you chose a pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt from Rin’s wardrobe and put them on. You had to cross the apartment’s open space, containing the kitchen and living room in order to get to your room. You tried to sneakily make your way through but were met by three pairs of eyes staring at you from around the kitchen island.

“Wow you look even sexier in my clothes, than your own” Exclaimed Rin making you blush. He got up from his stool to give you a quick peck on the lips. Sousuke sneaked his arms around your waist from behind and kissed your cheek.

“Good morning, beautiful” Your concentration was not on him however but shot to Haru who was at the stove and just gave you a brief glance over his shoulder.

“Um, good morning” You gave a questioning look to Rin, hoping that he will understand what you needed to know.

“Oh, Haru knows, don’t worry” Your eyes went wide with surprise, so Rin continued “He is also part of this” Now your mouth was hanging open. Sousuke just chuckled at your reaction but kept hugging you. “I told you that I will explain in the morning so here it comes. For quite some time now we three have been in what you can call a polyamorous relationship. That is why I told you we are not exactly exclusive. We are intimately and romantically involved with each other but if any of us wants to add somebody or have relations with somebody else we discuss it together. It is basically just like a normal relationship but with more than two people.” He looked at your face searching for any indication or disgust or discomfort but you didn’t really feel any of that. ”When you first moved in, the guys felt that I was attracted to you and that made them a bit defensive. That is why they behaved a bit like assholes” He shot an accusing glance at Sousuke who just shrugged against you. “It was also because you are female and none of us has had any long term relationships with girls, although we are attracted to them. I personally am bisexual but Haru and Sousuke don’t really like to put labels on their sexuality and I don’t think there is a big need anyways” He tried to see if you understood so you just nodded “So yeah with time, they both started to warm up to you, which grew to liking you and being closer to you, so we discussed it and decided to ask if you want to join what we have. It won’t change things that much as we already care a lot about you, but next to that there will be more couple’s shenanigans, hot sex and definitely more cuddling.” The bluntness of his description made you laugh “We don’t really like showing much affection in public or making it well know as you know how people are with their prejudices and we don’t really need much of that. So yeah. If you want you can have some time to think it over. And of course even if you say no, nothing is going to change. We don’t want to force you into anything” He tilted his head and gave you a warm smile. You started to think it over. The way Rin explained it, it started making sense. So it was not just sex that they wanted from you but also intimacy and companionship. You already cared a lot about all of them and was spending most of your time with them, so being able to take this relationship to a next level and explore the possibilities sounded appealing. Plus last night was definitely mind-blowing. Why not give it a chance?

“Ok” You nodded “I am in” You met Haru’s eyes and asked silently for his approval, he just nodded and gave you what you thought to be a smile, but as you had never really seen it before and it was so fleeting you thought it might have been a facial tic. Rin beamed at you but before he could wrap you in an embrace, Sousuke heaved you over his shoulder and slapped your butt.

“You, young lady need a shower” And he started carrying you in the direction of the bathroom. You heard Rin laughing and you saw Haru getting some breakfast ready for you. And that was how you ended up in a relationship with three great guys who were also your roommates. This was probably going to be complicated but you had a feeling it will be worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. I don't know what is up with those pet names, it just felt right xD


	2. Adjusting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter focuses on how you are adjusting in this new relationship and you and the guys have your first fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a bit of confrontation but just a little bit. It is all gonna be fine so no worries. And just generally to warn you guys this fic is probably going to be a like a sequence of kind-of-chronological one shots about how this relationship is developing or whatever situations come to my mind. There is not a very strong plot like, so I guess if you are into that you are free to skip this. Also there is going to be some smut coming in the following chapters but I don't want that to be the focus sooooo I am thinking of writing some extra smut as related oneshots. Let me know if you are interested and if you have suggestion please share. 
> 
> Pff so much comments. Did anybody read all of this? Anyhow hope you enjoy and see you in the next chapter :)

New beginnings. They are almost always accompanied by a healthy dose of fear of the unknown but mostly they are exciting. That was how your relationship with the guys started. You already liked them and felt comfortable with them but you didn’t really know to transition from being friends to being partners. If it was a regular situation you would go through a period of nervousness about how to talk to each other and who calls who first, now that you want to be together like more than friends. Then you would start going on dates and do romantic things until you build up enough intimacy to be a proper couple. Well that didn’t really apply to your situation, did it? 

You already lived together so the whole communication with each other was basically unavoidable as they were with you kind of all the time. Well at least that took the edge off who is gonna call first. Dates were also not exactly an easy thing to figure out for you at first. Regardless of how much you would love to take all your boyfriends out, you still had to be careful of attracting too much attention outside, as your relationship was not exactly a regular one and people were gonna stare if you did something out of the ordinary. Not that you couldn’t go out with them but it always had to look like an outing with friends, no PDA whatsoever. And you already had been intimate with them so there was not that much to build up to. Well with the exception of Haru’s case, with whom it took several day and daring glances for something to happen. But when it did it was an experience to remember.

Well at least the boys did not seem to share your anxieties about the situation, probably because they had experience in all of this. They were caring, and cute, and sexy, and showering you with so much attention that it was making you weak in the knees. You used to spend significant time with each other already but since that weekend when you got together two weeks ago, you felt like you had been spending every second together. Since that night you hadn’t really slept alone, or in your bed for that matter, but it wasn’t just about sex, some nights were simple PG-13 cuddling and enjoying each other’s warmth. Well with the exception of Sousuke, who despite of how cuddly he looked (when you looks past the scowl), apparently liked to sleep alone cause he liked to spread his gigantic limbs all over the place and have his space. He joined sometimes but it was mostly some configuration of you, Rin and Haru.

You also had spent basically every night with them. They always asked what you wanted to do. It was nice that they were so considerate but it was also a bit pressuring because you actually didn’t really have a strong opinion of what you felt like doing, plus you didn’t want them to be bored. When you told them that you didn’t mind and they should pick they actually put quite a lot of effort. For the last two weeks you had visited more than five different restaurants and pubs in your area as well as gone to karaoke (apparently regardless of being quiet Haru is quite good at singing), mini golf (which was rather boring for you but the guys enjoyed it a lot), indoor rock climbing (where you regretted being so unfit, but at least Sousuke carried you home after), to the cinema (twice) and to a poetry slam event. In the evenings when you didn’t go out, Haru or Sousuke always cooked dinner and made sure you didn’t do anything and then you played some sort of games, or watched a movie together on the couch, or had some bedroom activities. When you had to study there was always one of them there to keep you company and motivate you. 

It sounds perfect, doesn’t it? Yeah, but by the end of the second week it was getting a bit overwhelming. You hadn’t been in a relationship in a couple of years and since you moved out of your parent’s house you had learned to be quite independent and just be alone in general. You liked those moments of your day where you can be left alone in peace and quiet to do something or just order your thoughts. But you didn’t have that now. Every free minute that you had was occupied by one or more of the guys and that was great and exciting in the beginning, but now it was starting to become a bit much. It also wasn’t helping that when you did show some initiative to go do something alone, there was always someone offering to come with. Hell, you had barely even showered alone in the last two weeks. And steamy shower sessions were hella hot but you needed a little bit of space to sort your mind and process everything that had happened. Space that the guys were not giving you.

By the beginning of the third week together all the attention was getting to you. It was starting to get irritating to repeatedly be asked if you were ok, if you were having fun, if you were enjoying yourself. You were feeling on edge, kind of uncomfortable and like you were suffocating in their closeness, like an animal in a cage. Cage made out of handsome nice guys but nevertheless a cage. Still you didn’t really know how to talk to them about it. You didn’t want them to think you didn’t like them or didn’t want to be part of this, because you did. Plus you were still in the stage of the relationship where you unconsciously wanted them to like you and confronting them did not seem like a likeable thing to your brain. That stopped you from saying anything and the lack of solution coupled with the stress you were already experiencing in work and university, just caused pent up frustration making you burst at the end.

Monday was your breaking point. It had been a long day. You woke up next to Rin who had hugged you so tightly during the night it was a challenge to pry yourself out of his claws and you ended up waking him and having to face his grumpy morning face. The only morning person, except for you, in the house, Haru, had made you breakfast and coffee. It was mackerel, which you were learning to like but still had hard time digesting in the morning. Still you tried not to make any faces as not to offend Haru and all the effort he put, but it was kind of difficult because he stayed in the kitchen the whole time, something he didn’t used to do. He didn’t even talk much, as usual, just looked at you, which you used to appreciate as some kind of silent closeness but this day it was just unnerving and was building on the angry ball in your stomach. You tried to get out of the kitchen as fast as you could, giving a small kiss to Haru as thanks, and headed for the bathroom. But of course you didn’t even have the luxury to shower alone as Sousuke sneaked in shortly after. You usually enjoyed being trapped between his tall frame and the bathroom tiles a bit more than you would admit, but this time his hands on you did not feel welcome because you just wanted to have a minute alone and it was not happening and it was frustrating. You made an excuse and left the shower in a hurry before things went too far, to which Sousuke did not really comment but you knew he probably felt something was off.

You hurriedly put some clothes on, grabbed your bag and left for uni before anybody can say anything else to you. The five min walk to the building was nice but it was not enough to calm you down as it was followed by four tedious hours of lectures and workshops, constant reminders that as much as you studied there was always something that you didn’t know. You didn’t have much time for lunch as you had to head to your job at a local bookstore. You really liked your job but today was one of the rare days when you wanted to burn the place down. The computer system was down so you did not have any quick way to check where anything was or whether a book was available, meaning you had to do all the work manually, causing a couple of queues throughout the day and several disappointed angry customers. Also one guy who looked around 60 told you that you were incompetent because you relied too much on “your darned computer boxes” and that back in his days people knew how to actually work. To hell with this day!  
Once you got off you were exhausted you just wanted to lock yourself in your room and not talk to or see anybody. That of course was impossible. The minute you threw yourself on your bed Haru walked in to ask what you wanted for dinner.

“Haru, I don’t care. Whatever you want.” You answered shortly and kind of cold, but it made him leave so that was a plus. Not even five minutes later Rin plopped next to you on the bed.

“Hey, (F/N) I found this new anime that you will definitely like. It’s an adventure but it is also said to be very funny. Wanna watch?” He nudged you with his foot. You were still lying face down on the mattress. 

“Not really in the mood right now Rin, sorry” You muttered

“That’s fine, we can watch it later” He just shrugged. You thought at this point he will grasp the mood you were in and make his exit but instead he just made himself more comfortable. Apparently he was looking at some funny gifs because every few seconds he kept nudging you and asking you to look. Once it was a gif of a goat climbing on a ram. Followed by baby eating a lemon. When that was followed by a kitty in a tea cup you had enough so you just grabbed you keys and phone and headed for the door. You needed to get out of there. You were suffocating. 

Sousuke was playing some games in the living room so you just passed him shouting “I am going out for a walk!” in the open space and reached for the front door.

“Wait, (F/N), I’ll come with you. It’s getting dark and it isn’t safe” Sousuke started to get up from his spot on the couch but he was stopped by your glare. This was the last straw.

“No, you are fucking not” You pointed at him and said a bit too loudly. Now Haru was also looking at you from behind the kitchen island where he was preparing dinner. “I can’t take this. Every single minute of every single day. You are driving me crazy. Can’t I have just a minute alone? I am fucking suffocating.” By the end of your rant you were shouting, anger filling your eyes with tears. The guys were gaping at you, pain and fear in their eyes. You had never shouted at them before, never even raised your voice. Their eyes on you felt accusing and heavy so you just turned around and closed the door behind you. As much as you were angry you didn’t like to see them sad. Maybe they should have chased after you, like in a romantic movie, but they didn’t and you were glad.

It felt like you walked for ages. You weren’t looking at where you were going but you knew the area pretty well so that wasn’t a problem. You could handle yourself quite well so you weren’t scared that anything would happen to you, so you kept walking. When you finally stopped and wiped your tears with the sleeve of your shirt the anger had already seeped away living only regret. Sitting on a bench you looked at your phone realizing that you had been walking in circles for an hour. You had only one missed call from Rin. On one hand you appreciated that they got the message that you needed space. On the other, it made you worried. You had no choice but to go back; you wanted to go back; you wanted to apologize. No matter how you had felt today and the last couple of days you shouldn’t have let all of this build up and burst out like this. It wasn’t their fault. You never said anything was wrong. How were they to know it was? Yeah they were a bit overwhelming but it was all out of care for you, attempt to make you feel like you belong. It also felt a bit like an attempt to make sure you didn’t regret your decision to join them and show you how fun it was to be with them, but it was all good intentions. You should have just talked to them. But now it was a bit too late for that after all the venom you spewed before you stormed out. You felt stupid for how you let this play out. What if now they don’t want you back? That made your heart tighten. If that happened you would probably die of a broken heart. Even though it had been only two weeks you already felt like this has been going on for much longer and they were a crucial part of your life. You had to make this better, you had to apologize and try. 

Hesitantly you found your way back. Walking to the house you were imagining various scenarios and trying to figure out what to say. What if they were angry at how ungrateful you had been for their kindness? Which in a way you were. What if they wanted you to leave? What if they had already thrown your stuff out? You knew that they wouldn’t do that but your anxious mind was good at making grim scenarios up. Whatever you had thought about on the way however, did not prepare you for the scene that greeted you when you slowly opened the door. All three of them were sitting on the couch in silence. The atmosphere was heavy and nobody moved a muscle. When you entered their eyes shot at you and you were engulfed by their sadness-dripping eyes. How could you do this to them? Make them so sad? You felt tears prickling in your eyes.

“(F/N)..” Rin started standing up a little and all three kept looking at you with those sad eyes. You had to say something before it got worse.

“No, Rin please let me talk” He sat back down and you kneeled in front of the couch so you could see all of them. It also felt kind of right, in a metaphorical sense, to have them towering over you as you were repenting for your sins. Still you could feel how tense they were, see in their bodies that they were anxiously waiting for what you will say, expecting the worse “I am sorry” You looked at them and tried to communicate all your emotions through your eyes. Then you looked back down at the floor “I shouldn’t have overreacted and I am really really sorry for shouting at you guys. I probably did not make it clear but I loved the last weeks we have been together. I just think the attention got a bit too much for me and not having any time on my own with my own thoughts, just got me frustrated. I know I should have come to you and talked to you, but I didn’t know what to say. I am really sorry and…” Rin tried to interrupt but you stopped him. You had to let everything out now that you had the confidence and the opportunity. If you stopped you might not be able to ever start again and you wanted them to know, to understand, no matter what it will take “I know I reacted in the most stupid way but I haven’t been in a relationship in a while and I am so used to being on my own that I found it hard to handle when you all were so loving and caring and all over me. I would understand if you can’t deal with this and want me to leave. I know I am not a piece of cake to handle” That was all. You went quiet, looking at the floor, waiting for their verdict. The seconds that passed felt like ages and you didn’t know how much longer you could handle until you were tackled by what you assumed was Rin followed by two other bodies embracing you. It was surprising but comforting. The only sounds filling the room were sobs from you and Rin.

“Oh, (F/N)” The redhead was wiping tears away once they finally released you. “We thought we scared you away. We thought you would want to leave” He hugged you again so tight the air went out of your lungs. These guys sometimes forgot how much muscles they had. But still the fact that they didn’t want you to leave was a relief. Sousuke tapped him to release you and spoke.

“I think we were so focused on trying to make you feel welcome and included that we went a bit overboard” Sousuke gave a little nervous chuckle. Then surprisingly Haru spoke quietly looking at you.

“Please, don’t leave (F/N)” Even though he didn’t show much you felt he was quite bothered by the whole thing so you just squeezed his hand reassuringly.

“I am not going anywhere. You are stuck with me. No take-backsies” You laughed trying to get rid of the heavy mood now that you all understood you didn’t hate each other.

“We are going to give you as much space as you want, but please if something’s up talk to us, this can’t work if you don’t talk to us (F/N)” Rin had calmed down and he really made a good point. This wasn’t going to have happened if you hadn’t kept your mouth shut. You were happy that they agreed, well Rin agreed, to give you space, but after getting what you wanted you also wandered how much of that space he was talking about.

“Thanks guys. But also the fact that I need space doesn’t mean you should like completely ignore me right?” You asked a bit hesitantly, this could easily go overboard in the complete opposite direction “I mean I just want to have a bit of time every now and then to sort my thoughts. This is all a lot to process, but I still want to be with you.”

“How about this” offered Sousuke “We try to tone it down a notch and whenever you feel like you want to have some alone time you tell us. And just so you know hints rarely work so just be forward, none of us will mind. We want you to feel comfortable” You finally felt yourself relaxing. This turned out better than you thought and you felt your heart warm up with how caring and understanding there three were. If you only knew how easy it would be to talk it out. 

Thankfully dinner managed to help everything go back to normal. The commotion from earlier was not forgotten but it had managed to bring you closer together, an understanding being silently communicated between you four. Conversation was even cheerful compared to the previous hours and you thoroughly enjoyed the meal Haru had prepared. After dinner you felt exhausted so you kissed them goodnight and went to bed. It was nice to have some time alone. The last weeks had been crazy but sitting in your bedroom right now you realized that this was probably the happiest you have ever felt. Every time your mind drifted to one of the experience from the last weeks your heart fluttered. How had you managed to feel so close to them in such a short time? It didn’t really matter thought you were happy, and you could feel the seed of something like true love planted in your heart. You couldn’t wait to see what will bloom from it. With these happy thoughts in your mind, you tried to fall asleep but you kept tossing and turning. You could take up as much space as you wanted but it felt empty. You thought you wanted this but now without any of your boyfriends close to you, you had trouble falling asleep. You realized how used to this you had gotten. You grabbed your pillow and headed to Rin’s room where everybody usually was. As expected you found Rin sprawled on his back with Haru laying on one of his shoulders. They were sleeping so peacefully probably exhausted from all of the earlier commotion. You sneaked in and put your head on Rin’s other shoulder making him wake a bit.

“Hey, (F/N), what are you doing here?” He said sleepily stroking your hair.

“I just missed you” You said placing a kiss on his chest. He just smiled and went back to sleep. Being in this relationship was not going to be easy and you were going to fight from time to time but you were glad that you were in this with Rin, Haru and Sousuke. At this point you couldn’t even remember what it had been like when they hadn’t been around you but you didn’t really wanted to know such times.


	3. Honeymoon period

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been two months since you got together so you four do some out of the box celebrating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody. I am really sorry that this took so long to post. Sorry to anybody who was waiting for it, if there was somebody. I hope you enjoy this short silliness of a chapter :)

The honeymoon period. Every relationship goes through one and yours was not an exception. Well of course it was a bit different because the other three have been together for a while now but having you join them was exciting and the whole apartment was buzzing with joy. After the little situation you had in the beginning everything clicked better and now you were all more open to sharing what you want and just communication in general. Not that it did not happen to step on somebody’s toes from time to time but things were mostly a smooth sail.

As it was the period in which you all got acquainted with each other as more than friends (well the guys were getting acquainted with you anyway) you couldn’t keep your hands of each other. You didn’t remember the last time you had seen so much action. Surprisingly all the guys knew their way around the bedroom (and the living room, and the bathroom, and one time even the kitchen), everybody having something different to bring to the table, and if you had to make a list of your favourite things about being in a poly-amorous relationship, the diversity in the sexual escapades would be right up there with three-way cuddling, always having someone to care for you when you were unwell and being able to share your time with three amazing human beings like them. 

Of course also as in every new relationship you had that weekend when all you did was enjoy each other’s bodies and got out of the room only if necessary. By the end of this sexy sweaty marathon it was all one big blur of pleasure and you were missing some chunks of time in your memory, kind of like that time your friend convinced you that 10 shots of vodka were a good idea. Unlike that drunk episode, this was just complete bliss and even though you were exhausted and couldn’t walk straight for a couple of days after you couldn’t help but smirk at the delightful memories. Not that there were no awkward moments in the bedroom. Even though films and books always portrait sexual encounters as flawless events you did experience some mishaps (like any normal people). Like the first time you had intercourse with Rin and you had a very hard time fitting all of him in, which boosted his confidence but did not work miracles on yours. Regardless through all, you had found out how to be open and comfortable with the guys and that you could trust them. 

You already knew how great all three were but in the time you spend together it slowly started to dawn on you how lucky you were to be a part of this relationship. They were so caring and so loving, each in their own way. You really felt like you could rely on them and whatever was to come you would get through it together. It was so comfortable to have somebody, well somebodys, to talk to about everything and nothing in the same time. It was a bit scary how fast things were going, and how invested you felt in all this in only so little time, but it was also extremely thrilling.

Before you knew it two months had passed and on the date of your so-called anniversary, Rin insisted you did something fun together. He was such a sap and romantic when it came to these things, more than anybody else in your foursome, but that just made you find him amazingly cute. You had never heard of anybody celebrating a two month anniversary, except for those overly cheesy couples, so maybe you were one of those. Rin hadn’t said what you were going to do, just where you needed to meet later in the day, as he and Sou had something to do that morning and left early. You on the other hand had no classes so you relished in the comfort of your bed, reading and just lazing around.  
At some point Haru walked in to ask what you wanted for breakfast but you never got to actually have that breakfast. He lingered at the door taken by the image of you in your pajamas, consisting of shorts and a tank top, which did not do a good job of covering much. Seeing the look in his eyes you beckoned him on the bed and he did not refuse.  
The book you were reading laid long forgotten on the bedside table as Haru worshipped your body with his touches. He had his chest pressed against you back, spooning you, hands running over as much of your body they could reach and mouth leaving burning kisser on your neck and ears. You were melting in his touch and in this position the only this you could do was let sultry moans leave your lips and fingers dig in his muscly tight. The whole experience was slow, unhurried, and extremely arousing. You had no idea how much time has passed as pleasure was washing over your body in waves provoked by Haru’s fluid movements in and out of your heat. He had brought you to the edge at least a couple of times but each time he slowed down and let your breathing ease up a bit, only to repeat his actions later. By the end you were both unable to control the involuntary movements of your aroused bodies. Your voice was ringing loudly in the room and you could feel his hasty breaths on your skin. The moment you unraveled, you mind went blank with bliss and by the way Haru’s fingers dig in your skin you knew he was having a similar experience.

When you detached you looked in the blue eyes of the amazing man that brought you so much pleasure. The endorphins of the aftermath of an orgasm were still dancing in his irises and he gave you a tiny smile as you nuzzled in his neck. Sometimes you though you enjoyed the moment of immense closeness right after sex more that the sex itself. Because this was not only about the physical pleasure. It was giving your whole self to somebody to do whatever they wanted with it and thrusting they would take care of it and doing the same in return. If you had to summarize this moment in a world it would be paradise.

Your mind was still clouded but a sudden feeling of forgetting something was bugging you, when you suddenly jumped up from you position, wrapped up around Haru.

“Fuck, Haru. What is the time?” He just shrugged and you looked at the clock. Twenty past one. Fuck. You were supposed to meet Rin and Sou in 40 min but you needed at least 30 to get there. Oh, you were gonna be so late.

“Haruuu, we are going to be late.” You jumped out of bed lining out some clothes, and grabbing a towel to go for a quick shower as you were still covered in sweat. Haru just gave you an expressionless “Whatever” and went to get ready himself. You were always amazed about how little Haru cared about the concept of time and punctuality, he ran on his own schedule, what Rin jokingly called ‘Haru-time’, which was anything but reliable when it came to being on time to anything. It is not that he didn’t understand the concept he just gave no fucks about it and hated being rushed. And he definitely wasn’t happy when you dragged him out of the shower and out of the house in 20 min time. You couldn’t take any risks, if you let Haru and water alone you would never make it to this meeting. On the way to the bus stop you send a quick text to Rin to let him know about the delay.  
It was a bit of a dead time of the day so the streets were quite calm. The lunch rush was already gone and the only people around were either students, tourists or the odd businesspeople rushing from building to building. Finding Sou and Rin was easy enough, due to their height and the convenience of your meeting spot. Sou looked kind of bored, or maybe he was a bit annoyed, he was quite particular when it came to being on time. That was one of the things he and Haru strongly clashed on. Rin on the other hand was a beam of sunshine. He smiled brightly and greeted you with a wide smile.

“What happened guys? It’s not like you to be late (F/N). Did you have hard time getting Haru out of the bath?” He inquired, hand draped around your back, slightly squeezing your shoulders.

“Umm” you stuttered, blushing a bit “No… not exactly” Even though you had been intimate with all of them already, it still felt a little bit weird letting the others know you had spent private time with only one of them. Rin however just tilted his head back laughing and shifting his gaze to Sousuke.

“Oh, they definitely screwed. Pay up, Sousuke!” Sousuke just huffed and extended a bill to Rin, but a tiny smile made its way to his face after, and you were sure he wasn’t really mad. He just hated losing to Rin, in anything. You were flushing because of the whole situation but Haru still wore the same deadpan expression as always. What did it take to make him loose his cool was question you wanted to know the answer to desperately.

“You bet on this?!” You tilted your head up to look at Rin pouting a bit.

“Oh, don’t give me those puppy eyes. It was just because Sousuke didn’t believe Haru would take advantage of the situation” Sou just pushed his hands in the pockets of his anorak and looked in the distance frowning. What was with him and loosing? Still that expression was utterly adorable on him and you couldn’t help your-self to tease him a little bit. You detached from Rin’s embrace and gave Sousuke’s shoulder a little punch.

“I guess you didn’t account for the wild card that is me then, but better luck next time then.” You stuck your tongue at him. One weak spot he had was when you behaved childishly around him. It always made him giggle at your demeanor. He ruffled your hair and finally spoke.

“Ok, ok. Shall we get going than? We are late as it is.” Rin lead the way and when you finally ended up at a particularly non-descript building, Haru asked what had been on your mind.

“Where are we going actually?”

“Judging by the building, I would say Rin is taking us to an underground brothel” You said comically, which just made the two taller men laugh.

“Yeah, you wish (F/N). Actually this was Sousuke’s idea” He elbowed him a little.

“We are going to Laser-tag. It could be fun to have a bit of competition” And there is was the fiery flash that he always got in his eyes, when they did their little competitions with Rin. Oh, these boys.

“Not the most typical way to spend an anniversary, but hey we are not the most typical relationship, so I guess it fits” You said shrugging and followed Rin inside.

“So how does it work then?” You asked Sou who looked like he knew his way around, so he explained while you went to pay and get your equipment.

“Everyone gets a vest with sensors and a gun with infrared beam. When you point the gun at somebody and press the button the vest is going to detect it and flash in a different color indicating that that person is out. We will be indoors so you would have obstacles to hide behind. Usually you play in teams, but I suggest we make it more interesting and do it every man for his own.” You were getting very excited about this. Scenes from action movies were playing in your mind and you were imagining yourself in the place of some of your favourite action heroines from films and anime, and just how badass you would be. Haru on the other hand was turning the gun he got in his hand, ogling it a bit bored. Rin was on your wavelength thought, smiling broadly as he put the vest on. Once he had it on he ran his fingers though his ruby hair and raised his gun like he was an action star. So sexy. This outing had more than one benefits for sure. You could feel a bit of adrenaline as you thought about the competition to come.

“Still if we are competing, what does the winner get?” Not that it was crucial but a nice incentive was definitely going to help you apply yourself more seriously.

“Winner gets to pick what we eat after.” Haru proposed. Rin however gave an exasperated sigh.

“Oh, Haru that’s a bit boring, though, plus I don’t feel like eating mackerel today if you win, we already had it last night” Rin leaned on his shoulder but Haru shrugged him off.

“Nothing wrong with mackerel”

“But not every meal, come on!” Rin exclaimed. It was just such a common bickering between those two.

“How about winner gets to have a wish fulfilled by each of the losers?” Sousuke suggested. Oh that sounded like a good idea. You mind drifted to what you could do with your wishes. Maybe you could ask Haru to help you clean your room, then he would finally stop making faces about the dust under your wardrobe. Or maybe you could ask Rin about the massage he always promised but never delivered. And Sousuke, you could make him come to that concert next month to which he refused to go because the music was too mainstream. Of maybe you would use your wishes for something a bit naughty. Well you first had to win though. So once you agreed on the wager you all got ready and you entered the field one by one to give time for everybody to find an initial spot, without the others instantly knowing.

You hid behind a raw of barrels and you could feel you heart hammering in your chest from the adrenaline. You had no idea where the others were but you had to concentrate and find them, because you definitely wanted that massage. They were all more physically fit than you but your advantage was your smaller size, making it easier to sneak around and hide, although you were naturally clumsy and you just hoped that did not play a cruel joke on you. 

You channelled you inner Lara Croft and started sneaking around. There was some techno music playing in the background so you couldn’t hear any footsteps. The arena was quite spacious covered with crates, barrels, logs and other things to hide behind. The lights were dim and everything was in darker green and brown colors. There were camouflage nets spread around and hanging on the walls giving the whole place a combat atmosphere. You were fired up and you felt quite cool crawling behind objects and peaking sneakily. As far as you knew the boys, Rin and Sou will probably be hasty and dive head-first in the game, neither of them was known for their patience, especially Sou. Maybe that was the reason he always lost against Rin. Even though Rin was usually the more emotional, when it came to competition he was the more patient of the two while Sousuke let his emotions run, making his explosive. Well if you had read them well enough that would mean you would have to just sit and wait for them to eliminate each other. Haru of the other hand you had no idea what to expect from. He was a wild card because he did not really enjoy competitions and winning but from the few times you had seen him in the water you knew that he could summon an unrelinquishable amount of determination if he actually did want to win. Whether he did in this situation, you had no idea. He looked bored in the beginning and he did not have any experience in this either so it leveled the playing field a bit between you two, but you were sure that he was the one who you needed to watch out for. 

After what felt like ages of squatting and kneeling behind things you started getting bored. You knew you had to be patient but what was the fun in that. You peeked behind the corner of a mountain of crates and you finally saw an opportunity. With his back pressed to the wood was a certain hulky black-haired boyfriend of yours. He looked like was catching his breath and he was probably going to move again soon so you had to figure out a plan fast. You couldn’t just charge at him. With all the video games Sou played he definitely had faster reflexes than you. A distraction was needed. 

Suddenly you got an idea. You took one of your sneakers and flung it high up so it will land on the other side of the turquoise-eyed male but he wouldn’t see it until it was where you wanted it. It was not the best plan but it was the best you managed to think of in the heat of the moment. It worked, kind of. Sou was startled by the movement but speedily realized it was a distraction and turning in the other direction catching a glimpse of you disappearing behind the crates. A smirk appeared on his lips. He got you cornered. However when he launched and turned the corner you weren’t there. You assumed that he will expect nothing adventurous of you so instead of simply circling the crates you climbed up, standing on a box roughly a bit higher than Sou’s eye level. After a couple of seconds of looking around he finally noticed movement from above and looked up, only to be met by you pulling the trigger. There was shock and amazement in his eyes and you knew he wouldn’t be happy about losing. However you saw something moving in your peripheral vision and you knew you were spotted so you quickly jumped down, gave a quick peck to his still slightly open mouth and dashed behind the closest barricades and tried to put some distance between where you had been and yourself in an attempt to evade the others.

However apparently you weren’t fast enough because as you were kneeling behind a barrel you heard Rin’s voice behind you.

“Hands up where I can see them!” That voice sent jolts down your spine, you should probably bring that up later for bedroom ideas, but now you obliged and got up hands hovering next to you head.

“Oh, princes I finally got you right where I wanted you” He said slyly.

“Is that so, Rin?” You tried to buy yourself some time and figure a way out. There was none but you were going to be out soon anyways so suicide mission it was.

“This is going to be the….” He tried to say dramatically but you didn’t let him finish. You turned as fast as you could to face him and shot him. His sensor went off and Rin protested.

“Hey, what the fuck (F/N), I was just about to drop an awesome one liner” He scrunched his eyebrows but you just laughed at him.

“Oh, Rin your desire to be cool will be the end of you, my boy” You waved your gun dismissively when you heard your own sensor go off. What the fuck.

“Birds of a feather…” You heard behind you and found Haru, looking as bored as before. He just proved that he was the most patient among all of you and you were greatly amused by the fact that he just won this thing. You wholeheartedly tackled him into a strong hug. Oh that boy never stopped amazing you. 

Rin and Sou were not happy about losing but it was all fair and square so they couldn’t complain too much and by the time you managed to retrieve your shoe and went to get some food the atmosphere was back to normal, if not a bit hyped up because of all the adrenaline rush from before. You went for burgers and sitting around the table you enjoyed boyfriends’ company. Haru stole a fry from Sousuke’s plate which was met his a scowl and “Oi, Nanase, what do you think you are doing” but Haru paid him no attention. Seconds later Rin did the same and was greeted by Sou’s raised eye-brows “Not you too!”, but he eventually gave up and just pushed his fries towards the other two so they could share. You leaned in your hand, elbow perched on the table, and just watched them bicker. They were so adorable and you were probably the luckiest girl to ever be born. Thinking about it you felt your chest tighten. This was probably what being in-love felt like and you couldn’t think of anybody better to be in-love with than these three dummies sitting around you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this will have a second part which will focus on the wishes Haru requests as the winner. Probably going to include some steaminess so let's see what my fucked up mind comes up with. Will try to update with that this week though :) Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed


	4. Wishes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of a continuation of the Chapter 3 where Haru won the rights to three wishes, one from each of his partners. This chapter outlines what he chose to get from Rin and Sousuke. Sometimes Haru is a bit all over the place really

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, I am a bad person sorry, but yeah finally updating this. To be honest this chapter is a bit of a goofy and self-indulgent one (I am a big fan of Bottom Sou so please don't blame me), plus I thought Haru-Sou will be a challenging combination to write so I tried, plus we don't see a lot of Bottom Sousuke and I wanted to give my interpretation of why Sousuke doesn't like to bottom (SPOILER ALERT! he actually does he just thinks he is too cool for it, kind of). Hope you like it. Let me know what you think. Comments are appreciated and if you want to read something in particular, please let me know and I will consider it. Sorry again for my shit updating schedule and yeah stay fresh folks!

Sundays were usually the only day which you could spend with all of your boyfriends together at home. You were all busy people and between practices, lectures, the gym and your work it was rare for all of you to be home during the day. Thus you were currently enjoying yourself thoroughly. You were lying on the couch, head in Rin’s lap, his fingers running through your hair. It was nice and soothingly calming. You had your eyes on the book in your hands, diving in the adventurous tales on the pages, only from time to time looking up to take in Rin’s handsome features and the cute expressions he made in reaction to the movie he was currently watching on TV. It was some romantic comedy, nothing too heavy, just in the mood of the relaxed Sunday.

Haru had gone in the bath so you weren’t expecting to see him any time soon. He had been quite stressed the last days. Not that it really showed on his face but you caught how his features tensed every time you asked about his classes. He had a couple of deadlines and the last week had been almost constant work for him. The other guys probably also caught onto that because when he said he didn’t want to have breakfast and instead headed to the bath, nobody protested. Even Sousuke, who usually made some snappy comment about Haru’s bathing habits, refrained from doing so this time. Sousuke on the other hand was currently occupying the kitchen. It wasn’t very often that he cooked, even though he was pretty good at it. This time however he took the initiative to prepare something for lunch and you let him go do his experiments. It wasn’t a very exciting day in your household but it was comfortable and pleasant. 

Around noon Haru emerged from the bathroom and headed to the living room. He stood silently in front of Rin and you, hair still wet from his shower. For a second he didn’t say anything and Rin leaned so he could see the TV which Haru was currently blocking.

“Haru, move a bit.” The red-head huffed.

“There is an ocean documentary on National Geographic.” Haru looked at Rin, like he was attempting telepathy but it didn’t work because Rin just retorted.

“So what?” Rin frowned a bit. He was really invested in whatever he was watching and didn’t appreciate the interruption.

“I want to watch it.”

“But I am watching something right now, it will be done in like half hour, then you can catch the rest of your documentary” 

“But I want to watch it from the beginning” Haru said with his typical deadpan expression.

“Haruuu” Rin was getting more annoyed because he was missing the best part of his movie.

“You owe me a wish, Rin” Haru cooked his head slightly looking into the crimson eyes staring at him.

“You want to use your wish for something like this?” Rin’s irritation was replaced with an amused confusion.

“Yes” Haru was not having it. Rin just laughed a bit.

“Well if I get to get out of this agreement so easily, be my guest. I can probably see the end online anyways.” Rin handed him the remote and Haru sat on the ground between Rin’s  
legs. The documentary was about predators of the deep ocean and Rin wasn’t particularly interested in it but he had you in his lap and Haru snuggling between his legs and resting his head on his knee so it was actually enjoyable. You heard shuffling after a while and you raised your head to see Sousuke also joining you, smelling like something delicious.

“Another ocean documentary” Sousuke snorted, sitting down on other side of Rin. “God you would probably marry the ocean if you could, Nanase” Haru refused to move his gaze  
away from the TV and just raised a slender middle finger in Sou’s direction. Sousuke looked amused but did not continue with his bickering just snuggled on the other side of Rin.  
The movie ended not long after and Haru turned to face you three.

“I have decided what I want from Yamazaki as my wish” There was no indication on his face about what that might be. Sousuke just folded his hands on his wide chest and raised an eyebrow at Haru.

“What? To be the minister at your wedding with the ocean?” Instead of biting back, Haru just got straight to the point.

“No. I want to top you.” Sousuke’s smug expression fell, replaced by utter surprise. You could swear you saw a little smirk ghost on Haru’s lips.

“No, no. Definitely not happening.”Sousuke shifted to an even more defensive position on the couch. You were surprised by his strong reaction to the proposal. Usually all the guys  
were quite open about their sexuality and trying out stuff. Plus when it came to bottoming and toping they usually switched. Now that you thought about it though, you hadn’t seen Sou bottom yet. You looked up to Rin, hoping he can give context to what was happening, because in this mood Sousuke was definitely not gonna talk to you.

“Does Sou not bottom?” You nudged Rin.

“Oh, no, he does. Just not often.” He stroked you hair and didn’t really seemed in any way bothered by the exchange of glares happening next to you too.

“You have to fulfill a wish of mine, Yamazaki” Haru stated

“Well, chose something else then. You are not topping me!” Sousuke scowl got even meaner and he sunk deeper in the coach, hands folded over his chest. 

“Why not?” You kind of asked to no one in particular, but you were not expecting Sou to actually answer it. Still you wanted to know. This was the first time you saw him react like  
this. You were right because Rin answered.

“Hard to tell. I think he actually enjoys it secretly but you know how he is. He doesn’t like to show his emotions, especially vulnerability, and he is a bit of a control freak. That’s why I think he likes topping better, because he has control over the situation and can keep his stoic appearance doing so, while when you bottom you are usually more dependent on the partner, which is not his forte. It’s a bit out of his comfort zone so we just leave him be usually.” 

“Can you not talk like I am not here! It’s not because any of those sappy reasons you gave, I just don’t enjoy having things shoved up my ass, unlike you.” Sousuke snapped at Rin.

“Don’t give me that! You enjoy it and you know it.” Rin turned to him.

“I do not!”

“You do!”

The bickering kept going on. There was something about the sounds Sou made last time Rin topped him, which he denied and pointed out a reverse situation when Rin was getting pretty loud. Eventually you lost track and your thoughts drifted to what Rin said. It kind of made sense, because no matter how close you were with Sousuke and how comfortable he was with showing emotions like anger and happiness, it was quite rare to see him express any more intimate emotions that might make him look in any way weak. Eventually Sousuke went off to check on lunch and Haru went to finish drying his hair so you asked Rin.

“Is Haru going to force him?” This did not sound like something he would do, but Rin should know better because it looked like it didn’t happen for the first time.

“What? Nah, definitely not. He will probably gonna ask him a couple more times but if Sousuke gives a hard ‘no’ he will leave it. But it usually starts in the same way and Sou succumbs sooner than later. When he agrees though it is something you’ve got to see. He is super sexy when he bottoms” He winked at you at you felt butterflies flutter in your stomach – party because of his sexy eyes and partly because of the thought of Sousuke coming undone under Haru.

\----------------------------------------------------------

Rin was right. It took a week but Sou finally said ‘yes’. It wasn’t a very loud ‘yes’, more of a mumbled-under-the-breath ‘yes’ but it still counted. Shit was going down this evening and you kind of wanted to watch. After what Rin told you, you were dying to see it, but you were not really sure if you were allowed or if it was a normal thing to do, even though you had been with all of them together before. You walked in the kitchen where Sou and Rin were doing dishes after dinner and you hear them bickering again.

“Rin, you’re not gonna watch”

“Why not?!”

“Because….. you’re not” Sousuke glared at him

“Rock, paper, scissors?” They wiped their hands and played. Rin won. He grinned and Sousuke huffed a bit. Rin noticed you.

“(F/N), wanna join too?” He smirked at you.

“Ah.. yeah.. yes” You blushed and looked up at Sousuke, in a way asking for his approval. He wanted to be mad but seeing you get flustered when it came to sex just made his scowl melt.

\---------------------------------------------------------

Eventually Rin dragged one of the arm chairs from the living room and made himself comfortable, with a good view of the bed. You walked in Sousuke’s room, wondering where to situate yourself but Rin tapped his lap and you got his invitation. At first it was a bit awkward to settle in but you rested with your back on his firm chest and he wrapped his arms around you setting his head on your shoulder. It was comfy.

Sousuke and Haru were sitting on the bed. Sousuke was looking anywhere but Haru but that didn’t last long as Haru guided his head to face him and captured his lips. Haru usually didn’t take initiative. He was more of a float-down-the-stream kind of lover. But he looked a bit more dominant this time and it was sexy as hell. He pushed Sousuke to lay back and saddled one of his firm thighs, his own leg between Sou’s, pressing against the growing bulge in the pants of the taller man. Article by article, clothes were removed until the two males naked, still in the same position on the bed. You could hear small huffs, tiny moans and fast exhales of breath as hair was pulled, nipples were teased and bites grazed the skin. Just seeing your two boyfriends enjoy themselves was making you extremely excited.

Eventually Haru took the initiative to wrap a hand around both their lengths and stroke them slowly. The touch dragged a growl from Sousuke’s throat and he tilted his head back in the pillows. Haru took the opportunity to abuse his neck and bite his earlobes, causing more low husky sounds to spill out of Sousuke’s mouth. Eventually the teasing got a bit too much for the two of them so Haru stopped and reached for the lube on the bed-side table. Sou tried to grab it from his hand.

“Let me do it myself” He said still trying to catch his break a little.

“No, lay back and enjoy” Their eyes locked for a couple of intense seconds which were broken by Rin.

“You know how good Haru is with his fingers” Rin said in-between placing kissed on you neck.

“Shut up, Rin!” Sousuke growled and turned to Haru “Fine” Getting the permission he needed the smaller man uncapped the bottle and drenched his fingers in the sticky substance. He circled his fingers around the entrance and you could see Sou biting his lip, probably trying not to moan at the feeling. Haru looked at him and when Sousuke nodded, he pushed a finger inside. His movements were slow and calculated but eventually the finger sunk down to the knuckle. It was a very erotic view.

“You are very tight” Haru said in his typical deadpan voice.

“Shut up!” Growled Sou, but as Haru started moving his finger his composure seemed to be peeling away bit by bit. Eventually Haru added a second finger and started spreading him open. He explored the cavern with bolder movements and as his finger-pads found Sousuke’s prostate, the lager male arched his back off the bed, giving a little whine. That is what Haru wanted to see, so he slowly pressed a third finger in and started to increase his pace eventually pounding his fingers in Sousuke’s prostate. Sou’s legs were shaking, he was biting his lip and his fingers were gripping at the sheets. He knew Haru was doing it on purpose but it was hard to do anything about it when his body was washed by wave after wave of pleasure, creating an itch that he just wanted to scratch. Eventually one of his big hands made its way in Haru’s hair and the shorter male slowed down his movements. He was teasing him and Sousuke was going to break apart from the want to come. He didn’t want to admit it though. Haru looked at his face, blue eyes locking with turquoise. 

“Do you want it Sousuke?” From his voice you knew he was also very excited even though he was barely touched in the last 15 min. Sou didn’t answer but tried to bury his face in the pillows. Haru gave another insistent nudge at his prostate and Sousuke answered with a small moan.

“What do you want, Sousuke?” Haru asked again and when Sousuke refused to answer Haru continued his ministration. Sou was starting to moan a little louder and when Haru brought his hand for one quick stroke over his cock, he almost screamed. That was the loudest you had ever heard him

“God, Haru, I want to come, just put it in already.” Sousuke finally blurted out and Haru quickly rolled on a condom over his length, covering it in more lube. Framing Sou’s face with his arms, Haru spread Sousuke’s legs a bit further apart and slowly pushed in. The friction made both of them exhale sultry in unison. Haru began moving slowly, pulling out and pushing in, but when he felt Sousuke’s dumb fingernails dig into his right buttock he couldn’t hold himself back anymore. He raised himself a bit, lifting one of Sou’s legs over his shoulder and started snapping his hips faster. Apparently that was a position Sousuke liked because he tilted his head back with a loud moan. It was the sexiest thing you had ever hear and with the way his eyes were closed in pleasure and fingers were digging in the mattress, the image was doing things to you and you were sure Rin’s tie, the one you were sitting on, was most likely wet. Both of their breaths started getting more ragged and Haru brought one of his hands to stroke Sousuke’s lenght. Sou shook and moaned under him, which finally made Haru give a sultry moan of his own. These two together were too much. Bodies moving faster, chasing the pleasure and shaking with electric pulses, came undone quickly after. After a particularly hard jab at his prostate, Sousuke’s eyes snapped open with surprise and he spilled his seed over his firm chest and Haru’s hand, which milked him dry. Needy hole clenching around him Haru came after a couple more fast trusts and he slumped on Sou’s chest, both of them panting and demanding more air to enter their lungs. Eventually Sou calmed down and looked at Haru.

“Haru, get off!” He nudged him lightly. Definitely not hard enough to actually push him off. Haru raised a tired head to face Sousuke.

“It wasn’t too bad, was it” He gave him what seemed like a little smirk and Sou just growled.

“Shut up, Nanase!”

And they were back. You still couldn’t believe what you saw and the whole experience just made your brain float in clouds of pleasure and sexual tension. It didn’t help that you could feel Rin’s impressive length pressing against your ass. Two nimble fingers found their way to your crotch, feeling it wet through your pants.

“Mmm, (F/N). I think we should take care of that” Rin whispered in your ear and your breath hitched. You were in for a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of struggled how to make it explicitly consensual actually because I did want to have this part about Sousuke being a bit like "no" but I still didn't want to make it rape-y as these sweethearts have a good relationship and they will never do that to one another. Ok yeah, let me know what you thought about it.


	5. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader decides to tell her friend about her boyfriends and learns that people are not as accepting as she wishes. Thankfully her amazing partners are there for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit a more depressing chapter with a dash of life-coaching and a sprinkle of fluff. I hope you enjoy it though because i think it helps develop the relationship between these four. I would love to hear what you think about it. Thanks for reading my narrative brain leaks everybody!!

Sharing. Especially in the beginning of every relationship, people reach this state when they are so excited about this new companionship and their new partner that they can’t stop talking about them. To friends, classmates, family, the new partner sneaks their way into every conversation: My boyfriend did this.. or my girlfriend said that. And you were no different. You wanted to share your happiness with everybody, you wanted to clichély shout from the rooftops about how amazing your boyfriends were and how much you enjoyed every moment of with them. You were slowly but surely falling in love with them and you just wanted everybody to know how awesome they were. But you couldn’t exactly do that, could you? Your relationship wasn’t the typical one and even thought the guys hadn’t forbidden you to, they had warned you about sharing it with other people.

Still with every relationship there is always the desire for acceptance from your circle. You wanted the people around you to like the people you were falling in love with and you wanted them to be happy for you. These three brilliant men you were currently with, were a very big secret to keep and you could feel it bubbling up inside you. You needed to tell somebody, like if the words leaving your mouth will become validation for the existence of this relationship. Plus it was a big happy part of your life you wanted to share with your friends. So you decided to share it with the person you considered your best friend – Anna. You had become close since orientation days, in the beginning of your first year at university, and since then you hadn’t found another person who fit you so good, not counting your more than roommates. You probably wouldn’t have been able to hide this secret from her for so long if it weren’t for the fact that she left in the beginning of the semester to do an exchange abroad. It was always her dream to travel so even though you missed having her around, you were happy for her getting to have such experience. You tried skyping as often as you could but it wasn’t always easy with both your busy schedules and time difference. So today when she shot you a message whether you could talk, you quickly packed the assignment, which you were trying to finish in the university library and went to find a room where you could talk privately. You were planning to tell her about the guys the next time you skyped. Ready or not, better not postpone it, but you couldn’t help but feel nervous.

“Anna, Heeey. Do you hear me fine?” You said as soon the call was connected.

“(F/N), hey, you are breaking up a bit. The internet here sucks. Wait I will stop the camera.” She answered. It sucked that you wouldn’t be able to see each other but it was better than nothing.

“Is it better now?”

“Yeah, perfect!” She answered and you heard shuffling in her room.

“How have you been? I haven’t heard from you in like three weeks.”

“Yeah, sorry girl, just been very hectic here. We had midterm exams, which is complete bullshit, I thought exchange semesters were meant for people to explore around not study, you know.” She said in an annoyed tone you were very familiar with. It felt comforting to be talking to your friend, like slipping on a warm fuzzy hoodie on a winter day.

“Stop complaining, what is a little bit of studying when you get to travel around like every moth or so.” You bit back a bit.

“I know, I know, just let me have my five minutes of being grumpy. But yeah after that we had a one-week vacation so I packed up a bag and finally made the trip to Italy I always wanted to. One week was too short though. I only managed to go to Rome and Naples but it was so worth it. I am in-love with this country and you should try the food. Oh my God it is heavenly. I probably gained a couple of kilograms during the time there, but I couldn’t help it, everything was so yummy.” She continued entertaining you with her stories and you were just smiling at the screen of your computer imagining your friend running through the streets of Italy or riding on Vespa. So stereotypical.

“I am so jealous. I wish I could be there with you.”

“Oh, you would have loved it. And you should just see how handsome the guys here are. And they are so gallant and gentlemanly, nothing like the ones back home. But anyways, what is up with you?”

“Well you know same old, job, uni, regular stuff” You paused a bit. Now was the time to get it off your chest. “Well, actually there is something I meant to tell you. I met somebody, actually more than one, I mean I didn’t meet them now or anything..” Even though you had tried having this conversation in your mind and figuring how to phrase it, now you were finding it difficult. She interrupted you.

“Wai, wait, wait, what??? You met somebody. Like a guy.” She sounded way too excited. “Start from the beginning.”

“Well you know my roommates right, Haru, Sosuke and Rin?” You asked.

“The quiet dark haired one, the grumpy dark haired one and the bubbly redhead?” She retorted.

“Yeah them, we uumm, we went out one night to a club and we drank a bit and danced a bit and then when we were home Rin kissed me.” She impatiently cut in.

“So you got together with Rin. Good for you girl he is a hotty”

“Wait Anna, kind yes and kind of no, I mean let me continue. He kissed me but then Sousuke came in and he was also a bit touchy-feelly” You could hear her gasp but you pushed on “And I got scared because I thought those two were together but it turns out they were not. They were in kind of a poly relationship with all three of them and I think other people before but not anymore. And they said they liked me and they wanted me to join them in this relationship. And I was confused but they were very nice and gave me time to think, but then we kind of ended up… having sex… and I was worried how they will be in the morning but they were such sweethearts and I like them a lot so I decided to give it a shot and we’ve been together since like three month now.” There was silence on the other end so you just continued rambling “And it has been great and I am so happy. To tell you the truth I feel great and so close to them.” More silence. You needed some indication that she actually heard you and the call didn’t drop or something “Anna?” After another long pause she answered.

“You what?” She sounded shocked.

“Um yeah, I know it is surprising but it is working very well for us and I really wanted to tell you.” You knew that you didn’t need to but you felt like you had to justify your actions.

“So you are sleeping with all three of your roommates?”

“Technically yes, but it is much more than just sex. We go out together, we talk and eat together, we take care of each other, you know all the normal stuff other couples do” You were not expecting this line of questioning and you were grasping and your consciousness to find a way to explain the situation.

“But you are not a couple. There is four of you. So it is like a weird friends with benefits situation?” You could feel judgement in her voice and it stuck you right in the chest.

“No, because we are more than friends, I care for them a lot, more than for a friends and I think that I am falling in love with them, just my whole world feels brighter when they are around.”

“In-love? With all three of them? How is that even possible! Don’t you like one of them more than the others? Why don’t you just pick one?” In your mind she was always the open minded one and this was both a shock and blow to you. You could already feel the words getting stuck in your throat but you had to clear this up.

“I can’t chose between them! Each of them is different and gives me something different from the others. And I don’t really know how it is going to turn out but I care deeply for all of them and I am happy.” You exclaimed louder than you wanted to and you could feel tears welling up in the corners of your eyes.

“I don’t get it. How are you able to be with more than one person at a time? And don’t you get jealous when they are with each other. It sounds kind of greedy and a bit like a twisted orgy.”

“It’s not.” Your chest was tight and you felt like you couldn’t breathe. The past three months had been amazing, the world felt better since you were with them, and now a person so close to you was smearing it with dirt.

“Whatever makes you happy girl.” Her tone felt a bit condescending “Just be careful because if people find out they will probably think you are just another whore” _More like this is what you think of me, isn’t it?_ You thought to yourself. You didn’t know what to say. You mind was empty and your body numb. After a pause you finally muttered.

“I need to go” And you closed the laptop. You felt in a delirium, but not the happy kind. Your head was swimming, thoughts jumping at you. What if you really were a whore? You felt cheap. It felt like all the love the guys gave you had evaporated from your heart and you could just hear the condescendence in Anna’s voice. For the first time since the beginning you were really bothered by the fact that your relationship was abnormal and you felt guilty about being in it. Like you were doing something wrong.

You had your key in your hand and you were opening the front door to you apartment. You had no idea how you went back home. Looking down you saw that at least you had your bag with you so you went inside. You knew at least Haru will be home so you decided to try and hide the storm going behind your eyes. Rin looked up at you from the sofa.

“Hey (F/N)! How are you? Wanna join, I am about to play some Mario kart” His smile was warm but the heat was not reaching you. You raised your eyes to him and hoped he didn’t see the dried up tears in there.

“Sorry, Rin. Gonna go get a shower” You did your best to smile at him and went on. Haru called after you that the dinner will be in an hour and you made your way to bathroom, hoping that the water will wash away the shame you felt. The guys exchanged a questioning look behind you back, but you didn’t see it.

Warm drops falling of your skin, hot water splashing, scorching streams burning your skin and then ice raising goosebumps and making you shiver. You went through this system in the shower hoping that the change in temperature will shock you back into yourself and will help you find out how to feel about everything. But it didn’t. You still felt empty and when Sou knocked on the door to let you know that dinner will be soon you finally went out of your torture chamber to put on some clothes.

Haru had made something good. At least it smelled nice when you walked in. The food on your tongue was tasteless however, but that had nothing to do with Haru’s cooking. Even if you were dining in the best restaurant in the world the food would have been just as tasteless to you. You had no appetite. You pocked around in your plate and as a background to your thoughts you could hear the light conversation the guys were having. Your brain was registering none of it. Worried glances were stolen at you but you didn’t notice. You felt unnerved sitting in this chair, at this table, looking at the unappetizing food. You stood up, excused yourself that you had to study and you were tired and you left.

Once in your room nothing felt right, the space was big but it was suffocating, it was uncomfortable. Why were you feeling like this? You were so happy. How could a couple of words erase all of that? You felt small and insignificant. And stupid. So, so stupid. You wanted to hide from the world and let life run without you, for the sake of the masochistic feeling of being worth nothing. You opened the big compartment of your wardrobe and took everything on the bottom under the hangers, throwing it all over the room. Then you proceeded to crawl in the now free space and closed the door behind you. The darkness felt comforting. You didn’t know if you wanted to be found. You didn’t want the guys to see you like this. How could you explain what was happening in your head? It was pathetic. Until this morning you felt like you were in love with them. You felt the three little words on your lips and even though you weren’t ready to say them out loud just yet, because last time you did the relationship turned to shit, you still were so sure about your feelings. And what now? How did anybody ever know they were in love with another? What did love mean? And as much as you tried to persuade your friend that this was a real relationship, was it really? What was the difference between what you had and just being friends with benefits?

* * *

There was a soft knock on the door of your room and shortly after Haru peaked in. Seeing the mess in the space he swung the door open and looked around for you. From the contents splashed all over the room he could guess where you were. He stood in front of the wardrobe and opened the door lightly. You looked up at him but your eyes were not seeing the black haired male. He sat in front of you and closed the door again, plunging you both into darkness. You face buried in your knees and hands squeezing tightly around them, you tried to make yourself even smaller in the confined space. You felt cold fingers brush your arm and then a hand stroke your hair. You caved into the touch and moved forward to hug him. You pressed your face into his chest and the overwhelming emotions finally started spilling from your eyes. Sobbing and sniffing in his shirt you let all you thoughts pour out you in tears. Haru didn’t say anything he just stroked your hair, holding you tightly and let you have all the time you needed. Eventually the streams on your face dried up and you breathing evened. Haru cracked the closet door open to get some light and moved the hair away from you face. You had fallen asleep. Exhausted from whatever was tormenting you. With some effort he entangled from you and lifted you to bring you to Rin’s room.

The other guys were there on the bed, talking softly, worried eyes looking up, as Haru entered. They made space for him to put you down in the middle of the bed. Rin stroked your cheek, fingers going over the salty trails the tears left.

“What was wrong?” Sousuke asked softly, teal eyes looking at you warmly but with worry.

“I don’t know” Answered Haru and he climbed behind you on the bed and squeezed you tight to him.

“Didn’t you ask Nanase?” Still keeping his voice down Sou was starting to sound a bit annoyed.

“No, didn’t seem appropriate”

“It’s fine, she will probably tell us herself when she wakes up.” Rin said and he kissed your forehead.

* * *

Softness. Silence. Warmth surrounding you. You were not in the closed. You awoke startled and jolted to a sitting position, waking the guys around you as well. You were in Rin’s bed. You had no idea how long you slept but the clock on the nightstand told you it was a bit past 1 in the morning. Last thing you remembered was the smell of Haru in your bedroom closet. Now you were between Haru and Sou on the bed with Rin spooning Sou. That was a surprise but they looked so cute. Your heart swelled with warmth and the same guilty and disgusting feeling from before made its way up your throat and you sobbed. Sleepy eyes looked at you and Haru squeezed you tight.

“Hey, (F/N), what’s wrong?” Asked Rin reaching from behind Sousuke to stroke you cheek.

“Nothing, sorry guys. I am gonna go, just go back to sleep.” You tried to escape but both Haru and Sou held you tight, not letting you.

“Don’t run away, (F/N). Talk to us. We are here for you. We agreed we are going to tell each other everything, right?” You looked up into teal eyes and so much concern greeted you that it was heartbreaking. You had to tell them somehow. You moved to sit crisscrossed on the bed facing all of them.

“I talked to Anna today and I told her about us.” They knew who Anna was. Eyes widened. They knew what this meant because they had been through it themselves.

“Oh, (F/N)” Rin crawled to you and squeezed you tight. You rested your head on his shoulder and let a couple of tears roll down. Haru’s fingers brushed them away. You took a deep breath.

“She didn’t understand. She said it seems some weird orgy. I hoped that of all people she would understand” You sobbed. “and it hurts so much because it makes me question everything and I have this feeling of guilt and shame, which I just can’t escape. And she said I better keep it a secret because people will think I am a whore and I don’t know if I can live like that.” You sobbed even harder into Rin’s shoulder as you felt the reassuring touches of your boyfriends. Rin started to speak.

“You sweet little thing, I am so sorry you have to though this because of us.” He kissed you on the crown of your head. “People always shame everything out of their comfort zone, and which they cannot understand. It doesn’t say anything about you, only about their narrowmindedness.”

“But how do you deal with this? How do you explain it to people?” You looked up at him.

“You don’t need to explain anything to anybody, this is your life. Are you happy with us?” He asked softly.

“Of course I am, happiest I have probably ever been.” You answered and with the question put so simply all doubts from your mind disappeared.

“Do you want to stay with us?” He asked again.

“Yes”

“Then what does it matter what people think. You live your life for yourself not for the benefit of anybody else. If this makes you happy and you are not hurting the well-being of anybody else, who is to say you have no right to this?” He was right, as always. It didn’t cease to surprise you how wise Rin could be.

“And you know what they say” Added Sousuke “The ones that matter, wouldn’t mind and the ones that mind, don’t matter.” He was being serious but after two seconds you couldn’t help but chuckle through your tears. Sou looked a bit taken aback. You moved away from Rin and wiped the tears in your sleeve.

“God, Sou, I never knew you could sound like a motivational poster” You hugged him tight “But thank you guys. I am lucky to have you. You always know what to say and how to make me feel better.” You detached from Sousuke and turned to hug Haru who even though silent was just as supportive and accepting of you as the other two.

“Thank you, Haru. For being in my closet with me, you know” He hugged you tighter and said silently.

“I love you, (F/N).” And before you knew it, you answered him.

“I love you too, Haru.” Realization of what you just said dawned on you and you moved a bit to look at his face. All you saw was radiating affection and you were just thoroughly happy in that moment. Shortly after Haru’s eyes drifted behind you and you turned to see Sou and Rin, mouths slightly gaping in something that looked like surprise and a bit of disappointment. You tackled them both to the bed and covered their faces with kissed.

“I love you too, you big babies”

Yes, this relationship was nothing normal, but who ever needs normal right!? As long as you learnt to accept yourself and you had the acceptance of the ones you love, you could guilt-free run after your own happiness and right now happiness was staying in bed squeezed between your three amazing boyfriends.


	6. Bad Habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader falls back to a bad habit in the aftermath of the fight with her friend and the boys try to help her find a more healthy way to relieve stress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I start to sound like a broken record but sorry this took so long. This chapter turned out a bit all over the place but I hope you enjoy it. Let me know if you have any feedback :)

Stressed out. Those were the words to perfectly describe you at the moment. Even though you came to terms with your best friend not understanding your relationship, with the help of your amazing boyfriends who talked you through the experience of being shunned and were just extra supportive and caring, you still didn’t feel good about the whole episode with her. It made you think about what the guys have been through before and how the rest of your friends and family would react to your relationship if they were ever introduced to it. The feeling of not belonging was overwhelming and just imagining the looks that you would get was making your skin crawl and you stomach clench. It’s true what they say that the human is a social animal and one of the greatest forms of non-violent torture is leaving somebody out, making them feel like something is wrong with them, because all everyone ever wants deep inside is to be accepted for who they are.

As much as you tried to stay positive, you needed more than a couple of days to get out of the grey cocoon that seemed to envelop your existence. The guys had to help, and they certainly did because without them you probably would have stayed in that state for months, but still there was some personal healing that you needed to do on your own and that couldn’t be rushed. When you finally found meaning in getting out of bed in the morning by your own volition, you could still feel the presence of grey clinging to your body, in the way food no longer tasted amazing, the way you randomly found yourself staring into empty space and the little things that could no longer bring a smile to your face. Getting the strength to finally get to class ten days after you had last shown your face there turned the depression into a constant state of panic. You had missed a lot of studying, had a couple of project deadlines coming up, as well as new assignments which meant constant work and stress level to the max. You could barely feel depressed anymore just because of how overworked you were and this stress introduced you to a notorious friend from the past – smoking. You used to smoke in highschool and when you came to university you made a promise to yourself that you would quit and you did, until now that is. It was very hard to resist the temptation of going back to a bad habit which calmed you down when that is all you needed. Of course you only smoked at the university where your boyfriends would not see you because you were sure the guys would not approve. You didn’t like having secrets from them, especially after how supportive they were but you knew that if they found out, they will try and make you quit and nag you until you did and you didn’t need any more stress than you already had.

One Thursday afternoon you received a text from a particular someone you hoped not to hear anything from

_“Anna: Hey girl, how are you doing?”_

As soon as you read it you felt a sudden rush of anger. After what happened and how you had been feeling she dared write you like nothing happened. So, what? Now you were supposed to put everything behind and go back to how you were, knowing how she felt about your relationship? And what the fuck is “how are you?”, how the fuck did she think you were after the things she said to you. You threw your phone on the bed and stomped around the room. Finally you got your pack out of your bag and considered lighting a smoke. Only Haru was at home and he was probably in his room immersed in some project. You rolled a towel and put it to cover the space under your door, sticking the headphones in your ears, you blasted some music that you knew would calm you down and finally you leaned over the open window of your room and lit one of your cancer sticks. It was calming, the inhale filling your lungs and sending a wave through your body and the exhale bringing the anger out together with the grey smoke. You stood there and lit cigarette after cigarette until you felt calm enough to continue with the rest of your day. You put the last one out and turned to go brush your teeth. You almost jumped out the window in surprise. In the middle of your room stood a certain bubbly redhead, mouth agape and look of utter confusion and surprise.

“What the fuck Rin, how long have you been standing there?!” You were caught red-handed and there was nothing you could do to hide it now. Rin finally gathered his senses and looked at you angrily.

“Long enough. What the hell are you doing?” He pointed to the pack of cigarettes still on the window sill “Do you know how bad that is for you? Why are doing this to your body?” You knew and you were reminded of it every time you bought a pack and saw the terrible photos they now put on the packages, but the rebel in you didn’t let you admit that.

“So what? It’s my body”

“Which apparently you treat like shit?!” He stepped close eyes burning into your gaze.

“Once again. My body! Can do whatever I want”

“No, you can’t. Especially not when you are killing yourself. You can get cancer from this shit, not to mention how bad it is for your teeth, skin, nails and just basically everything.” He was all up in your face now and this was making you even angrier, all the emotions from before bubbling up.

“You can’t tell me what to do Rin!” You decided to go for a quick escape and rushed out of the room in the direction of the bathroom.

“This is not over, (F/N)!” You heard shouted after you.

You didn’t want to go out of the bathroom because that would mean facing Rin again and you didn’t want to do that. You felt a bit guilty about your reaction. He was just looking out for you and you knew it but the way he confronted you, you couldn’t help but defend yourself. Plus you were sure that once you got outside you will have the conversation again and you needed to calm down before you did so. You took a long shower, brushed your teeth twice, conditioned your hair, and scrubbed your body until you were 100% clean and there was nothing more you could do. You quietly exited the bathroom and hoped to make it to your room without meeting anybody but you had no such luck. All three of your boyfriends were sitting at the breakfast island, obviously waiting for you to finally get out of hiding.

“Come here, (F/N)” Sousuke’s deep voice left no room for hesitation and you obeyed. You dipped you head down and felt like a child that was going to be scolded. “How long have you been smoking?” He asked and you raised you gaze and looked at them. Rin and Sou looked obviously pissed and Haru looked just like he normally did but from how he clenched his fists under the table you knew he was not happy either. Below all the anger however you could sense their concern so you dropped the rebel act and decided to come clean.

“Just around 2 weeks, I used to smoke in high-school though” Sou was about to ask something else when Rin cut in, voice raised.

“Why did you try to hide it from us?” He was still riding high on the energy from before and you couldn’t help but raise your voice as well.

“Because I knew you wouldn’t like it” A characteristically calm voice however brought you down from the bubbling anger.

“You promised no more secrets, (F/N)” You looked at Haru and you could see his eyes tremble with the slightest show of sadness and you involuntary dropped you gaze to the floor.

“I know. I am sorry, Haru.”

“Why did you pick it up again?” Sousuke finally asked his question, eyes trained on you.

“Because I am stressed out and it calms me down” You finally admitted and when you raised your gaze you could see Sou’s scowl soften and Rin’s expression change from angry to worrying and he came to hug you.

“Why didn’t you talk to us (F/N), we could have helped.” He rested his chin on your head and you hugged him back.

“Sorry guys, I don’t know, it was just easy to fall back into a bad habit. I’ll try to quit” You sighed because you knew it was going to be hard but it was for the best.

“Thank you (F/N)” Rin murmured against you hair.

“How about we help?” Sousuke asked once you broke away from Rin’s embrace.

“No, offence but how can you help me with quitting smoking, I am quite sure that is something I have to do on my own.” Sousuke rolled his eyes.

“I know, but how about we show you what we do when we are stressed out and maybe you could find something to replace smoking as your go to stress-relieve method.” You thought about it.

“That might actually work” You nodded.

* * *

Haru’s idea was something you could have easily guessed – soaking in the tub. He firmly believed that water was able to wash all your worried away and in the way he stared at it for minutes without blinking you were starting to think he was telepathically communicating with some invisible water gods acting like therapists for the blue eyed boy. After proposing his method of getting you to relax he insisted on taking the bath together and sat across from you in the unusually warm water. With all the studying you have had to do lately you had barely had the time to spend with them so actually having some time with Haru counteracted the fact that soaking in water was probably not going to help you with the stress. Yes, popular media (and Haru) usually portrayed bathing as the ultimate relaxation technique but in reality the constant warmth of the water just played on your nerves even more and the lack of ease to breathe due to all to fog was not making it any more fun.

You glanced at your companion and he was the epitome of tranquility. Black hair dripping with water was falling like a curtain over the blue eyes. His head was tipped back and resting on the edge of the tub and his whole being screamed ‘calm’. He had told you in the beginning that in order for this to have effect you have to stay in for at least an hour and let the water clear your thoughts. You didn’t quite understand what the second part meant but you gave it a try. You leaned back and tried to relax. You did sometimes take baths but they were usually shorter than 30 min and mostly used for combining cleanliness and reading. Letting the water suck out your negative energy was usually not on the itinerary and as it turned out was quite hard to do. You tried for a good 10 minutes but all the stillness was just making you bored. Getting fidgety from all the soaking you started prodding and playing with the items situated at an arm’s reach and when those options were exhausted you prodded Haru for some reaction, anything to relieve you of the boredom.

“(F/N), stop that” He scolded “Concentrate on your breathing and try to relax” His eyes pierced right through you and you decided to give it another try for his sake. You closed your eyes and sank deeper in the water. As soon as you tried clearing your head though the thoughts wouldn’t leave you alone. Glimpses of upcoming projects came up and you started calculating the amount of sleepless nights you will have to go through in order to complete them, making you anxious and uneasy. You tried bringing your thoughts to anything else. Maybe doing something fun with friends would help you get out of the bad state. Normally your go to person would be Anna. Anna. How did she dare pretend nothing was up and not even saying sorry! Now you were feeling anger bubbling up and the warmth of the water surrounding you was irritating you even more. The heat made you feel like you were suffocating and enhanced the anger that had made its way to your mind so after a couple more minutes of struggling to relaxed you finally huffed and stood to leave. Haru caught your ankle as you were stepping out of the tub.

“Where are you going? You are not relaxed!” He looked at you surprised.

“Can’t do this Haru. Sorry but I am already becoming a raisin and I am sure I will boil if I stay any longer in there. I don’t know how you do it.” You leaned and gave him a peck and he just shrugged in answer.

* * *

Rin’s idea of getting the stress and the anger out, was running away from it. Quite literally. From what he explained, every time he felt angry or stressed out he went for a jog and let the endorphins from the exercise do the job of bringing him back in a peaceful state. That is how you found yourself once again in the exercise clothes you bought ages ago when you were going through the i-will-get-so-fit-stage of your life.

This time however they were actually put to use. Running with Rin had one huge benefit and that was seeing your handsome boyfriend in a tank top lightly sweating and looking dashingly out of breath. However you didn’t have the physical ability to enjoy the view much once Rin started picking up pace and your sole focus transferred to not dying from the lack of oxygen reaching your lungs and the burn in your muscles. Why did people do this to themselves? As your feet kept pitter-pattering on the concrete you wondered how much longer you could keep this up. You throat was burning from the cold air you were inhaling quickly and your legs felt like they could fall off. Heaving you stopped and bent down hands on your knees trying to get some much needed air into your lungs. Hearing your footsteps stop Rin turned around still doing a little jog in place.

“(F/N), you ok?” You just gave him the thumbs up because no words could make their way out of your panting mouth. “Come on, you can do it! Just a kilometer left till we are home” You eyes widened in shock. Was a kilometer nothing to this man?! Walking you reached him and grabbed his track suit jacket.

“Are you trying to kill me, Rin!” You exclaimed with all the power left in you and he just chuckled.

“Don’t be so over-dramatic” He rolled his eyes at you.

“Oh, look who’s talking!” You replied still heaving burying your face in his back.

“If I give you a kiss, will you be motivated enough to reach home?” He turned around to face you.

“Maybe….” You smirked at him and he leaned in for a short tangle of lips. It was thrilling to actually kiss him outside the house. Due to your situation you avoided any such shows of affection outside but now it was 6 in the morning and with no one around you gave it a chance.

“Ok, ready to go now?” He whispered against your lips. And you just nodded. If there was more of that to come once you got home you could suffer through an excruciatingly long kilometer.

When you got home however, fooling around was the last thing on your mind. Your body felt so exhausted and your lower limbs were throbbing. Tomorrow will not be a fun day to try to move in any way, as you could already feel the soreness. Rin on the other hand looked full of energy.

“How do you feel (F/N)?” He beamed at you and you responded with a grunt from the couch you had collapsed on right after coming back.

“Oh, come on, don’t you feel the endorphins” You turned around and gave him a dirty look.

“I only feel the perpetual pain you put me in”

“So do I take it you are not coming with me tomorrow again?” He furrowed his eye-brows in slight disappointment.

“Nope!”

* * *

When Sousuke was stressed out he always hit the gym, obvious from all the bulk he was sporting, so that is where he took you. After your morning with Rin the other day, more exercise was making you anything but thrilled. The gym was a place that you had never been to, mostly because you had no knowledge about how to behave there or what any of the equipment there did so actually visiting the place made you anxious about making a full out of yourself. Thankfully you had Sou to guide you and from the way he walked into the room filled with what looked like torture devises, giving a nod here and a fist bump there, he looked quite adept with the norms of this place. You just walked behind him, fearfully looking left and right at the population of mostly men looking like they came out of a bodybuilding magazine and making weird grunts and huffs as they lifted and pushed.

“Don’t look so afraid” He smirked at you over his shoulder, hands in his pockets “They don’t bite” You just rolled your eyes in response.

“I know. I just feel a bit out of my comfort zone here. I have no idea what any of this does. Plus all the mirrors around are creeping me out” He laughed at your remark and pointed to a long rack of weights

“We'll let’s start with something simple.” He handed you two weights of 5 kilograms and instructed you to a bench nearby. “Sit down and rest your elbow on your thigh.” He tapped your spine and reminded “Keep you back straight” Once he was satisfied with your position he continued “I usually try to set myself goals that will be a hard to reach. That way once I achieve them the satisfaction is greater and helps me deal with any stress I am having”

“I didn’t know you get so much satisfaction from pain, Sou!” You smirked at him but he just rolled his eyes without any humor. Good to know that exercising was one of the things Sou didn’t joke about.

“For you let’s say 3 sets of 10 on each side. Do a little break in-between. I will be just over there” The i-mean-business look he gave you made you surrender and try his method of stress relief. However you soon lost count of how many lifts you did because 2 meters in-front of you the teal-eyed male had picked up some heavy looking dumbbells and was alternating lifting them. His toned muscles shifting underneath the milky skin was enticing and you couldn’t tear your eyes away from him. He caught you looking however and scolded you.

“Concentrate (F/N)!” You put all your willpower in going back to the lifting but it was just so boring compared to the handsome male in front of you. Noticing your eyes constantly drifting to him he finally put the weights down with a huff.

“Come on let’s try you with something else” He led you to a machine where you were supposed to sit and pull down a horizontal bar, lifting weights situated behind you. He adjusted the intensity and gave you instructions on how to do the exercise properly. Leaving you to your own devices he went a little across the room to do some sit-ups and if weight lifting was distracting, sit ups were just a whole other level. As much as you tried to concentrate on pulling the bar down in measured movements and keeping your pose, your eyes were glued to Sousuke. His muscles flexing and releasing, covered with tiny beads of sweat were so not-surprisingly sexy. But most of all it was his eyes that were doing it for you. His teal pools looked so concentrated and so determined, there was a kind of cool passion in them that only this man possessed. Unfortunately once he finished his session you were caught red-handed again, bar pulled just midways. The black haired male strolled to you, visibly not happy.

“I feel like you are not getting the point (F/N)” Was he mad at you now?! “In order to relieve your stress you have to concentrate and work hard.” The tone of his voice sent a pleasant chill down your spine but you tried to hide it because that will definitely not be appreciated in this moment. “Maybe you need something more challenging” He led you to a machine which was supposed to train your thigh muscles by making you push your hips open against some pressure. It was kind of awkward having to spread your legs open in the middle of a gym filled with men but Sousuke say it was good for you so you agreed and once he was sure you were doing it properly he went away to continue with his own training. The exercise was proving a bit more difficult especially given the soreness you still felt in your legs. Giving little huffs and puffs you powered on and this time you definitely didn’t have the concentration to search for what your fit boyfriend was doing. However you noises (or pained face) apparently attracted somebody because a voice spoke next to you, making you stop what you were doing.

“Are you ok? Do you need me to put it on lower intensity?” A blond male, in his thirties stood next to you.

“I am fine, thank you. My legs are just a bit sore” You wiped the sweat off your forehead and have him a weak smile.

“I haven’t seen you here before and I do own the place so I have seen everybody”

“Oh, yeah, it’s my first time here. My…ummm” You hesitated for a second but decided to give the version for strangers “roommate, Sousuke, suggested it. He is somewhere around here.” “Ah, yeah, Souske, he is one of my regulars here. A bit intense if you ask me!” He smiled at you and you had to agree with him on this point

“What’s your name?” The male asked

“(F/N)”

“I’m Goro. I hope to be seeing more of you here” He smiled at you and you looked at him with a bit of desperation

“I am not much a gym person I’m afraid” You gave him an apologetic look.

“Maybe it’s just a matter of different coach” He winked at you and just when you were starting to fear the direction of the conversation a certain tall dark male swooped in.

“If you are not going to take this seriously, we are going home” He demanded and he looked angry so you just gave Goro a shrug and followed Sou out of the room. You weren’t sure if it was just his seriousness about fitness that was causing this behaviour or if your teal-eyed boyfriend wasn’t also a bit jealous. Regardless, that was the end of your first and last visit to the gym and the stress was still going nowhere.

* * *

Now that you had exhausted your boyfriend’s ideas and going back to smoking was not an option you resorted to good old google-ing to get ideas on how to relax. The most common suggestion was to try yoga. So you stole the exercising mat Sousuke kept in his room (you were sure he wouldn’t need it because he was visiting his father for the day) and googled for an instruction video online. Thankfully after a couple of clicks you found one with a lady instructor whose voice was actually quite soothing. It said it was a beginners video focused on relaxing so next to doing all the poses you were supposed to focus on your breathing and get all the negative energy out of your lungs. That description made you roll your eyes a bit but throughout the practice you were actually feeling the effect and your head felt much clearer.

The lady instructed you to lift yourself from child’s pose to your knees, while continuing to stretch your arms and shoulders entering what she called an extended puppy pose. That put much more pressure on your tense shoulders and you tried hard to breathe in and out relaxing in the pose. In that moment the door swung open and a certain red-head entered.

“(F/N), have you seen my….” He froze mid-sentence staring at your butt which was sticking out directly in front of him. “What are you doing?” He gave you a half smile enjoying the view. You raised your head and looked over your shoulder.

“It’s called yoga. Did you need something?” His gaze dropped to your behind and he licked his lips.

“Um.. no. Mind if I join you?” You were kind of surprised by the request.

“Sure” You answered and went back to breathing deeply, however soon after a small squeak was torn out of your lungs as Rin had another idea of how he would join you. Instead of positioning himself next to you and doing the poses, he kneeled behind you crotch pressed against your butt and arms snaking around your frame to bring you upright against his firm chest.

“What are you doing?” The sentence came in a pant as hot lips connected with your neck.

“Joining my girlfriend. Couldn’t resists the view.” He answered giving a stronger nip at you neck and moving to you earlobe. His breath against your skin making you shiver.

“Can I finish my yoga session at least? It was actually helping me relax, you know.” You made a plea but even you yourself weren’t sure if you could continue doing yoga as his hands roamed your body and made you tingle with anticipation for more.

“Yoga hm? What is it about yoga that makes you so relaxed?” He whispered in your ear and you tried to think. His fingertips finally reaching and tweaking your nipples softly was not helping in any way though.

“Aah.. um.. the breathing helps… aa R-rin” Your thought disappeared as his slender fingers glided downwards and ghosted over your core.

“Continue” He urged and you tried to sort out your thoughts.

“It’s calming to just follow somebody’s voice.. hmm… and … instructions…. without having to think” Your breathing was becoming more labored as his movements intensified and he started rocking slowly against your behind. Hearing you explanation however he stopped.

“Is that so? You like receiving instructions hmm?” He tilted your head back to look at him and you saw a devilish glimmer in those red eyes “How about we try that then?” You were confused for a second until he gave his first command.

“Stand up, princess” He whispered in your year with a low mellow voice and you almost melted. You did follow the instruction however and he stood as well. Shutting your laptop he pointed a little further in the room.

“Go there and strip for me, please” The please was a nice touch but you were sure from his voice that it was more of a command than a request and you were interestingly enjoying him being so on top of things. Even thought he had seen you naked many times by now, being put on the spot felt a bit awkward but you started taking the garments one by one slowly with a bit of hesitance. Rin drank your naked form with hunger which made heat pool in your stomach. He seemed to consider shortly what to do with you, and finally instructed.

“On the bed, on your hands and knees” Seeing the fire in the pools of red you complied and did as told. You heard shuffling behind you and finally Rin appeared in your field of vision holding one of your silk scarves. “How about we make things a bit more interesting for you?” You needed a second to understand what he wanted and when he didn’t receive an answer he asked again “Is it ok princess?” This was something you had fantasized from time to time about but doing it with Rin was even more erotic than you could have imagined. As your knees felt weak you gave a small yes and with that your vision was gone. Not being able to see kept you on your toes in anticipation of every next move. A soft finger trailed down your spine, making you arch your back and give a soft moan. The finger travelled lower gliding between your already wet lips and made your hips quiver. Then you heard the removal of a clothing item which you assumed was Rin’s t-shirt and after the long absence of any stimuli on your body you felt a wet tongue lick a long line at your core making you moan loudly in surprise and pleasure.

“You are even more vocal like this” He gave a peck to your folds and you squeaked trying to keep your voice down in response to his remark “Oh, don’t worry, I love the sounds you make princess” He gave another lick and you felt yourself getting more and more wet. Roused by the sounds coming from your bedroom Haru peaked through the open door to find you naked and blindfolded on all fours with Rin’s face between your legs. Haru’s eyes widened at the erotic scene and he swallowed heavily, but from the whole reaction you only heard his voice.

“Why is (F/N) blindfolded?” You turned you head in the direction of the voice and blushed lightly.

“It turns out, our little girlfriend here, quite enjoys being told what to do and the blindfold is just helping with the anticipation” Haru raised his eyes in surprise and to illustrate his point Rin lowered his head to your ear and instructed.

“On your back princess” His voice was doing things to you especially since it was the only thing next to the sensation of your body filling your mind. You did as told but hesitated at the next command.

“Spread your legs” It felt obscene. It was kind of funny how you felt shy about doing it, even though their faces had been buried between those legs on multiple occasions. When you did not obey immediately Rin said more insistently “(F/N)” and you did as he asked. You felt very exposed but you could hear Haru’s breath hitch and that made you feel very sexy, being able to cause such a reaction from him.

In seconds soft lips were demandingly placed over yours and you were sucked into a passionate kiss. Haru was definitely influenced by the scene he stumbled upon, proven by his much more insistent than usual actions. His slim fingers travelling down your body found your pert nipples and toyed with them while his tongue danced with yours. You moaned in the kiss and instinctively tried to find his black locks to bury your fingers in them, which proved harder than usual, with your eyesight gone.

Rin was also keeping busy. He pushed your legs further apart and over his broad shoulders. You could feel his breath tickling your most sensitive areas and after a second you were rewarded by a long lick. You moaned in Haru’s mouth and both of your boyfriends encouraged by your lewd sounds, intensified their ministrations. Rin’s tongue expertly slid between your folds teasing you slowly and driving you insane with desire, until it finally concentrated on the small bud of nerves that just made you raise your voice even higher. With the red-head abusing your core with his amazing mouth you felt like you were going to lose it soon, and it was becoming increasing more difficult to concentrate on kissing Haru. Feeling that Haru moved to your neck, kissing and nipping and the skin and moving up to you earlobes, while still stroking and pinching your nipples. The inability to see was just adding to the experience. The lack of distraction that seeing these handsome boys usually was, meant that your whole mind was concentrated on the sensations going on in your body. The need for release was close.

“Ri-in… Ha..ru.. I am … gonna…” Hearing you orgasm closing in Rin slid two digits in the welcoming heat of your body and quickly found the other pleasure point he had become very acquainted with.

“Come on princess, come for us!” He said in a lower commanding voice and all the added stimuli made you fall apart. Pleasure washed over you as your body rocked on the mattress, moving against Rin’s fingers inside you. Once you were over your peak Rin slid them out and Haru returned to kissing you. You wanted to see him and reached for the blindfold but Rin’s voice stopped you.

“Don’t touch that. We are not done with you yet” The words made you shiver and not with fear but lust. You could hear a small sucking sound, Haru moved away from you and you were mostly sure that they were kissing. Soon after Rin spoke again.

“You taste amazing, (F/N)” The fact that he used you real name instead of a nickname made the impact of his words that much stronger and that much sexier. Surprisingly you heard Haru next.

“My turn now” You did not understand what he was talking about until Rin gave his next command.

“Lay on your side, princess” Your body still sluggish from the last orgasm, you moved slowly on the required position. Suddenly one of your legs was lifted and put over a slightly narrower frame and you felt Haru’s mouth on you. Still very sensitive you almost screamed. You weren’t sure if you could come so soon after the first time. Everything felt a bit too much but Haru patiently worked his tongue and seemed to enjoy just teasing you and taking his time. Two fingers quickly made their way inside you and even though they were nowhere nearly enough it still felt satisfying to be filled. Rin’s voice sounded somewhere above your head.

“I have a little problem that I think you can help me with.” He said almost sweetly “Open your mouth” You obeyed. You knew what was coming this time and the problem was nowhere near little. No matter how many times you blew Rin it wouldn’t be enough to get used to that size in your mouth. You tried to adjust and soon you started moving slowly on him. Rewarded by the sounds he was making you pushed further until his cock hit the back of your throat and swallowed making the red-head moan. Soon after you were moaning as well as Haru replaced the slow rhythm with a much more intense one and worked three fingers inside you stroking at you g-spot. You started moving faster on Rin, concentrating on swirling your tongue around the head of his cock before taking him deep and repeating again. The vibrations around his member made Rin become even more vocal. Haru’s tongue slid quickly over your clit and combined with the sensation within you and Rin’s hands which were gently squeezing your breasts and playing with you nipples you soon came for the second time, this time all over Haru’s face. Rin’s cock in your mouth muffled most of the sounds but all the pent up teasing and the feeling of your mouth vibrating around him sent him over the edge sooner that he wanted and you could taste him bitter-sweet on your tongue. Once you came back to your senses you heard the sound of plastic rustling and Haru’s voice.

“(F/N), may I…” He trailed off but you knew what he wanted and you were aching for him.

“Yes” You voice came as a croak from you dry mouth and you gave a surprised whine when Haru pulled you up to sit on his lap and slowly entered you. He was keeping you close to his chest, arms wrapped around you and peppered your neck kisses and small bites. You were sure that after two orgasms and with Haru sliding inside you, you were soon going to go insane. Another toned body pressed against you, and you heard the sound of kissing over your shoulder. You wish you could see them. The sight of your boyfriends with one another was something you didn’t like to miss out on. Soon Rin’s mouth moved on yours and you replied passionately to him, moving one hand to dig your nails in his back and another behind you at Haru’s neck. All of a sudden a third voice came from what you assumed was the direction of the door.

“You are having fun without me? And why is (F/N) blindfolded?” Nobody had heard Sousuke coming home. Rin moved away from you a bit and huffed.

“Why does everybody keep asking this question? She likes it, don’t worry. Now are you going to join in or take a seat and watch this private show?” There was no sound for a minute but then you heard light footsteps and Sou plopping down on the armchair in your room.

“Good choice!” Confirmed Rin and went back to kissing you. He needed a bit of time till round two but that didn’t mean he couldn’t make you feel good. Haru’s breath was becoming more erratic on your skin and his trusts inside you were becoming quicker, looking for a good angle he settled with the one that was making you give the loudest moans and kept pushing inside you faster and quicker. Rin’s hand slid down your stomach and his expert fingers started stroking your clit with fast movements. The sensation of their warm bodies sandwiching you between them and their movements against your pleasure spots were driving you insane and you moaned, kisses becoming more and more sloppy. A few more hard trusts and you were desperately squeezing around Haru, grabbing at any skin you could find, to anchor you through your powerful orgasm. You heat tightening around him sent Haru over his peak as well and he buried is face on the crook of your neck panting hard. Breathing hard you fell forward, drained, in Rin’s arms. Nimble fingers removed the blindfold and the light blinded you for a second. You three were a tangle of limbs on the bed while Sousuke was sitting in the armchair, eyes wide, pupils blown out, a flush adorning his cheeks and sporting quite the tent in his pants. Rin and Haru were laying exhausted, not surprisingly as they did most of the work, and after catching your breath you beckoned Sou on the bed with you.

“Come here. I think you have a problem I can help you with” Rin laughed quietly behind you.

“The pupil has become the master” You just rolled your eyes at him and turned your attention to Sou who was kneeling on the bed. You quickly removed his shirt and pushed down pants mid-thigh to reveal his waiting erection. You leaned in and started to kiss down his stomach nosing at the little hairs going down from his navel.

“Guys, I think I found the most suitable stress-relief method for me” Haru huffed behind you and Rin gave a ringing laugh.

“And what would that be?” Asked Rin rhetorically.

“Yoga” You answered flatly and went back to paying attention to Sousuke.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah I was planning on a sweet and fluffy ending of this chapter that was initially going to be just this short goofy thing but then the smut-spiration hit me and it ended up like this. I have nothing to say in my defence.


	7. Struggling to admit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter focusing on Haru and Sou and their unconventional relationship with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter once again includes angsty subjects and strong language. It has been in my mind since I started writing this fic so I thought it was high time to publish it. Always appreaciate your comments guys and thanks for the support :)

The internet is like a black whole. You open a tab to check out something and three hours later you find yourself looking at videos of pop-songs remixed with goat sounds. What the fuck! When you sat on the couch to check out some recipes for dinner it was still light outside but by now the sun was setting and the living room was getting dark with the last dying rays outside. You wanted to make something nice for the guys tonight because the atmosphere in the last couple of days had been a bit tense and you wanted to try and achieve peace in your home.

It all started when Sou made the mistake to erase one of Haru’s ocean documentaries from the TV memory in order to make space for something he wanted to record. Haru was obviously not happy and used various methods to get back at him. Ever since you first met them you had been baffled by the relationship those two had, even more when you found out there was more between them. If you did not know they were in a relationship you wouldn’t have guessed in a million years because they behaved more like enemies than lovers. No tender moments or exchanges were shared and the atmosphere of a challenge was always thick around them when they were left to their own devices. They still called each other by their last names most of the time and didn’t really agree on anything. Sou and Haru didn’t hate each other, you came to understand, but they also didn’t seem like partners in love. Sometimes you wondered what would happen if for some reason Rin was to leave this relationship. In your eyes he was the glue between them two and the one to always settle the disputes when they escalated. 

By nature Sou didn’t really like showing his feelings. He didn’t like to appear vulnerable or all those lovey dovey stuff but he did seem closer to you and Rin. Even though neither wanted to admit it they weren’t that different. Haru was mostly silent and settled for communicating his feelings non-verbally but he was also quite reserved when it came to showing what was in his heart. You guessed that had a lot to do with how they grew up because from what you knew they both weren’t raised in loving families that surrounded them with care, possibly leading to this need to keep everything inside. You had the feeling that they were competing about who would break first and admit that they cared about the other but you were skeptical about what this would achieve in the long run. As a result most of Sou’s interactions with Haru were expressed in snappy remarks or witty comments while Haru led silent warfare against Sousuke every time the big man stepped on his toes. He had learned with time how to rile him up and seemed to enjoy making him burst out. This was also what you had been experiencing for the last couple of days because of that stupid documentary.

It started out with dinner. Haru had taken the initiative to cook for the last couple of nights and all of you appreciated his effort. However the little devil apparently had another plan when he offered because since then you had eaten nothing but seafood. You were fine with it and Rin wasn’t protesting much but for Sou that was torture. He could eat fish but he chose not to when he could. However as Haru had cooked it he had no choice and resorted instead to grumbling and complaining.  


Another aspect of Sousuke’s life that Haru was toying with as of late was his gaming time. Sousuke liked to spend at least an hour a day playing one of his consoles in the living room but every time he would as much as try Haru would occupy the TV and refuse to move away until he had made Sousuke turn red in irritation and angrily stomp out of the room. It was torture for the teal eyed man and he was starting to catch up on Haru’s drift. Even though he tried to control himself, knowing that Haru was intentionally trying to rile him up, he couldn’t help but blow up this morning after Haru decided to hog the bathroom for an hour exactly in the time span when Sou needed to shower and get to class. Banging on the door of the bathroom Sousuke angrily shouted but Haru refused to open until Sosuke growled “Stop thinking only about yourself, Nanase!”. Fired up by the accusation Haru appeared angrily from within and bit back “You are one to talk, Yamazaki”. He slammed the door under his nose and locked it back up. Sousuke huffed angrily, grabbed his back and left for the day. You haven’t really seen them in such a fight and you were feeling worried about what this meant for your relationship.

The sound of the front door opening roused you from your thought and you moved the laptop away from you lap to go welcome whoever of your boyfriends had come back. It was going to be either Rin or Sou as you knew for sure Haru has been locked up in his room studying for an exam. You saw the tall figure of Sousuke by the door taking off his shoes. He had his hood on, and you wondered if it had become colder outside. He dropped his bag by the couch and you gave his a hug unnoticing his small wince. You moved to switch the light on and were about to ask him how his day was, when the sight you turned to face made the words stick to your throat.

“Don’t look me like that.” He almost growled at you, making you flinch, slight fear playing on your face. He never talked to you this sternly. Sou noticed your reaction so he added with a smile, trying to soften the situation “You should see the other guy” You reached to put his hood down and were greeted with a face that could have been featured in “Fight Club”. 

“Sousuke, what happened?” Your eyes were filled with worry. Your brain tried to run possible scenarios but came with nothing really plausible “Did you get mugged?” you cupped his cheek lightly with your hand, thumb ghosting over the bruise that was forming under his right eye. His bottom lip was split and bleeding. There was more smeared blood on his face and another small cut over his left eyebrow that was already bruising. The knuckles on his right hand were swollen and scraped.

“No. I don’t wanna talk about it” He pushed your hand away from his face and headed for his room shutting the door. Hearing that Sousuke has come back, Haru peaked from his room. Seeing your worried expression, he sensed that there was something else besides their earlier fights and gave you a questioning look. You could only reply with a weak smile and a shrug however as you knew as much as him about what was going on. His eyes dropped to the floor and you could feel that he was starting to worry as well. Maybe he felt a pang of guilt about his behavior. Haru was not the best in dealing with people and feelings so sometimes he didn’t realized when he crossed the invisible border. He could only hope that the damage was not too huge. Even if he tried to apologize Sousuke was not one to just gladly accept it so with nothing much for him to do, he made his way back to his room. The silence in living room was getting heavy and you couldn’t bare not doing anything. You knew Sousuke was stubborn and he would not talk to you until he wanted to. He always shut everybody out when something was bothering him, but regardless he was your boyfriend and you wanted to be there for him, even if he didn’t like it. You went and ran a warm bath. Grabbing the first aid kid from the kitchen you made your way to Sousuke’s room. You knocked lightly.

“Sousuke, can I come in” no answer, you knocked again “Sou, answer please” You voice was weak but you tried to channel all your care and compassion. Still no answer. You were not giving up! You had long ago learned to be stubborn when it came to Sou. “Sou, I am coming in” You cracked the door open. It was dark inside. He hadn’t bothered with the lights. Sousuke was laying on the bed with his back to you. You were sure he was not sleeping but he didn’t say anything. You turned the desk lamp on, not wanting to disturb the atmosphere with too much brightness and placed the first aid kid on the desk. You grabbed some towels from his wardrobe and went to kneel in front of his face. The big softy that he was, Sou hated making people worry about him so you tried to remove the pained expressions adorning your features.

“Get up Sou. I am not going to ask.” You said sternly “You don’t have to talk to me, but I am going to get you cleaned up. So come on, I have the bath ready” He looked like he didn’t want to move. The different excuses he could use to get you off his case were running though his minds, but he had realize that you could rival his stubbornness and if he didn’t come with you, you would sit on the floor next to his bed until he does. Begrudgingly he sat up letting you grab his hand and slowly drag him in the bathroom. Once there, you slowly stripped him down, being extra careful when removing his hoody and shirt so you didn’t scratch his face unnecessarily. Once his torso was bare you could see a big mark on the side of his ribs, which was starting to turn blue. It pained you to see him like this, beautiful body stained with pain. If you found whoever did this you would definitely go all psycho bitch on them. But violence never solved anything so you concentrated on the boy in front of you for whom your heart was aching right now. Clothes pooled on the floor and you beckoned him to get in the bathtub and pushed him to lean back and relax. As much as he could that is. He closed his eyes and you took some shower gel, foaming it in your hand. You started slow, running them over his shoulders and down his arms, then over his chest and abdomen, careful not to put pressure on the bruise. Then you reached and soaped up his legs as well. You couldn’t wrap your head about what had happened. He had left so angry in the morning but that was hours ago and Sou wasn’t one to just throw himself into something unthinking. Even when provoked he didn’t react physically violent, he was all just shouting and cursing. You poured water over his body trying to wash away the troubles of his mind. He didn’t react, except for the occasional sighs. Taking a clean damp cloth you tried to carefully clean the dried blood from his face making him wince. “Sorry Sou” you murmured. “Whatever” he replied shortly. He seemed angry, but also somehow sad and disappointed but at what you couldn’t tell.

Lastly you made him tilt his head back and you started rubbing shampoo in his hair. Your movements were slow and careful hoping that the small massage will make his relax a bit. He really enjoyed fingers running in his hair and he gave you a small quiet moan. After you rinsed it clean you took his hand making him open his eyes. “Come, let’s get you dried up” You were met with no resistance. By now he had surrendered himself fully in your hands, concentrating instead on the storm of emotions in his mind. Once he was dry you wrapped a towel around his hips and led him back for his room. You quickly chose some clothes for him to wear and before you helped him put the t-shirt on you dared to disturb the silence “Do you want ice for that” you pointed to the bruise on his ribs. He just shook his hear so you finished dressing him and asked him to sit on the bed. “I am gonna patch you up a bit now, ok” He looked into your eyes and nodded once again. You had never seen this look on him before. His clear Caribbean blue eyes were now stormy, pained. You wanted to help but you didn’t know how so you focused on what you could do. The small wounds on his face and hand were now clean and had stopped bleeding so you just carefully applied some antibacterial cream over them. Putting butterfly bandages on the cuts you were done and put away the kit.

“Do you want something to eat?” You asked him but when you turned back to him he was already lying back on the bed so you just climbed on and laid on your side facing him. He was not sleeping. He was looking into your eyes and you could feel the words about the spill from his lips, so you kept silent, giving him the space he needed, to go at his own speed.

“I didn’t get mugged, I got into a fight” You already assumed that and kind of understood why some people would want to pick up a fight with Sousuke, given his resting angry face. You had seem guys challenge him way too often, because of his broad frame and knitted eyebrows, especially when alcohol was involved but he always waved him off. This didn’t seem like one of those situations because this fight seemed to really have shaken him up. He didn’t seem like himself. You wanted to know, but you patiently waited for him to continue, fingers brushing reassuringly through his hair.

“I got into a fight with some assholes who had a problem with be being into guys” You were not expecting that. You had no words. How could you react to this?! What could you even say to make this better? “I had to go to the pool building to get some documents for one of my courses. I was wondering around trying to find the entrance when I overheard these guys talking about one of the swimmers on the team. When I got close I heard the name.” He paused, like he was hesitating whether to share it. From the corner of your eye you could see Haru standing in the door frame. He probably came to check on how things were going. You made no indication that you noticed him as you didn’t want to interrupt Sousuke. 

“They were talking about Haru. Apparently they found his quietness weird. They said some other things about him as well. Not at all nice.“ He frowned “I couldn’t just let them be!” The anger was reappearing in his voice “so I confronted them. One of them asked me mockingly whether I was his boyfriend or something and I answered ‘and what if I am’“ There was a heavy pause ”And then he started with the insults. Some were quite imaginative, mind you. I tried to keep my cool and walk away but he shouted behind me ‘yeah go suck your boyfriend’s dick you queer’. So I turned around and punched him. The other jumped in as well but I gave them a piece of my mind. Once they were both on the ground I left.” He shifted on his back and draped his forearm to cover his eyes. “I haven’t had to deal with this in quite a while now. I thought people in the bigger city were more accepting.” He huffed a painful laugh and paused, frown appearing on his face “once he said those words all I could see was red and I couldn’t stop myself. I don’t even know what the damage was.” He drifted off. You could sense the confusion of feelings clashing in his mind. He was angry about their insults but even after all he hated hurting people and it was weighing down on him.

“Sou” You said drifting closer nuzzling at his neck “You’re not a bad person. I don’t condone violence but don’t ever feel bad for standing up for yourself or the people closest to you” You didn’t know what more you could say. He wouldn’t like your sympathy. He hated people feeling sorry for him. So you just hugged him tight. You heard hurried steps and you raised your head “Haru?” He didn’t answer just climbed on the bed and hugged Sousuke close on the other side. His arms wrapped around the larger man held everything he wanted to say, his gratitude, his worry and his love. He raised and placed a peck on his temple. Sousuke understood so he didn’t make any attempt to move him. This was the first tender moment you had ever seen between the two and it felt almost like you were intruding. It was a moment full of acceptance and understanding. It was special because silently they both finally admitted what they meant to each other. Influenced from the moment, this time Sousuke let you stay with him. The three of you snuggled into each other and eventually dozed off. That was how Rin found you later that evening when he came back from his classes. It was an endearing view that made his heart fill with warmth. He had known those two for years and was still a bit surprise to see him like this. Asking you to be with them might have been an even better decision that he had ever imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know homophobia is a serious topic and I didn't give it much attention. I know it is only kind of mentioned here but I still hope I did it justice. Maybe it will come again in another chapter but I didn't want to bring the mood too down after the previous darker chapters. But still Sou-Haru has always been interesting for me especially in this context of still having this struggle with each other. Let me know if you agree with how I interpreted it, it will be interesting to see what you think about that paring. :)


	8. Sharing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sou doesn't like to share his bed but you quite like sleeping in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, I am on vacation now but I wanted to post this chapter. I should probably warn you, this is just a silly and smutty chapter prompted by something I mentioned in one of the previous chapters (that Sou doesn't like to share his bed) and I decided to have some fun with it. I hope you enjoy it but if you don't let me know what you would like to read. Stay happy guys and greetings from Slovenia!

You opened your sleepy eyes slowly when you felt the warm body next to you shift. You were in Sousuke’s bed which was rare because the teal eyed boy did not like cuddling too much or sharing his bed reasoning that he wanted to have his space when sleeping. In your time together there had only been a handful of cases when he had remained cuddling with any of you or let anybody sleep in his bed. However in these several months you had also discovered that his bed was the most comfortable out of the whole house so you sneaked in after he went to sleep early the previous night and cuddled in next to him. You knew he was going to be fussy about it but you kind of liked how easily he got bothered about stuff and it was unexplainably thrilling to tease the big man.

Still unwilling to fully wake up from your slumber you shifted closer to Sousuke burying your face in his neck and draping a sleepy arm around him. Tickled by your hair that had now found its way to his face, Sou scrunched his nose and woke up to find himself in a sea of (h/c). He groaned lazily and detached from you so he was able to breathe better, but when you didn’t budge easily he finally opened one eye and huffed.

“(F/N), what the fuck are you doing in my bed?” He pinned you with his gaze but you just lazily stretched like a cat in sun and went back to cuddling him

“Sleeping, before you woke me up, you big grump” You shifted and squeezed him even tighter.

“Can you get off please?” Sousuke asked a bit annoyed. He was always a bit fussy in the mornings.

“Mmm, no” You answered unwavering.

“Get off, (F/N)” His tone was getting more warning but you didn’t care because the bed was comfy and you were feeling blissful.

“Or, what?” You challenged finally opening your eyes to catch his menacing glare. You were not happy about what followed. Flipping you on your back so you were under him, Sousuke framed your body and started to mercilessly tickle you. Your laugh boomed in the room and you started kicking and squirming in his arms unable to catch your breath. You tried to push him off but he wasn’t budging. You didn’t have much of a chance to turn him over either as his firm body pressed you into the mattress while his hands roamed your most ticklish spots. As he pressed up a bit to pin you with a devilish glaze and see the results of his abuse you finally found your window of opportunity. Your nimble fingers found one of his pert nipples and gave a teasing pull making him gasp in surprise losing his balance, so you hooked one leg under his and flipped him. However your move was not thoroughly calculated as you found yourself at the very edge on the bed and slipped off it with a loud thud. Crashing on the floor, you were now straddling Sousuke’s hips and grabbed his hands to pin them above his head while he still figured out what had happened. 

Now that you were in this position you could feel the strain of his morning erection nudging at you and you gave an experimental roll of your hips making the large man moan. 

“I see, you’re playing dirty.” He growled in his husky voice and you smiled wickedly.

“You started it, dear” You answered giving another roll, causing him the buck up.

“I beg to differ, kitten” He retorted gruffly but you weren’t going to lose this fight. Letting go of his hands at this point was not an option so you just continued moving slowly against him making more and more sounds escape his lips. Alarmed by the commotion a quiet knock came from the door.

“Come in!” you shouted loudly and Haru’s jet black hair appeared in the door.

“You ok?” He asked not surprised by the compromising position he found you in.

“Yeah, but I need a little bit of help. I want to have some fun with him” You said devilishly and Haru considered for a second.

“Haru, no!” Sousuke tried to defend himself but Haru just shrugged and came in. Now that the odds were in your favor you allowed yourself more freedom. You quickly hitched   
Sousuke’s t-shirt up and used it to tie his hands together above his head with the help of Haru. He protested a bit but there was two of you so he succumbed. Once he was a bit more restricted you started trailing kissed down his stomach nuzzling at the trimmed hairs trailing down from his belly button. Haru’s eyes were fixed on you, hungrily following every movement of your mouth on toned skin.

“You can also play with him, you know” You offered and as if waiting for the nudge in the right direction Haru lowered his mouth to capture one of his pink nipples and suck, making Sou arch his back with a sharp intake of air. You slipped slender fingers slowly under the waistband of his underwear and pushed it down, marking the newly exposed skin with kisses. You continued your ministrations until his awaiting erection finally sprung free. The cold air hitting warm skin made Sousuke gasp and when your lips met the juncture of his hip be bucked into the touch. Haru continued sucking and licking his pert nipples while you kissed and licked everywhere but his proud member. Trailing downwards you spread his legs further and captured one of his testacies in your mouth, giving it a long suck and making Sou moan louder. Your wet tongue continued its descent and finally found his puckered hole and lapped at it playfully making with squirm at the new sensation.

“What are you doing?” Asked Sou breathily but then you pushed your tongue lightly against the tight ring of muscle and his head tilted backward with a groan.

“I’m playing with you, Sou” You purred. You withdrew to look at him, beads of sweat already appearing on his firm flushed chest. Haru’s eyes had also started to glimmer devilishly and you knew he was on the same page. “Haru, why don’t you come here” You beckoned him with a finger. He looked at you with questioning eyes and understanding what he meant you looked at Sou who was breathing heavily and following vaguely the exchange between you two. “If Haru lets you go will you be a good boy, Sou?” You whispered seductively but when you didn’t get the reply you wanted right away you lowered your head and gave a quick suck to his swollen head. His breath hitched and you asked again   
“Are you Sou?” He finally gave a quick nod and Haru let go of his hands still tied above his head and shifted downward to where you were. 

You both started peppering him with kisses and sucks riling him up even more until you finally licked at his slit and took his head in your mouth. Haru’s tongue travelled further lapping at his balls and nipping at the skin of his thighs until he found the little pucker your tongue had played with earlier. You started bobbing you head up and down letting his length hit the back of your throat and swallowing around him. Haru swirled his playful tongue around the tight muscle and once it started twitching in anticipation he breached it and push further in. The double stimulation was making Sousuke go insane and rut against your warm mouths. Lewd moans were escaping his lips and you couldn’t help but smile in satisfaction at his reaction. In this position Haru’s tongue could reach much so instead he coated one of his fingers with spit and slowly pushed it inside. Sousuke wanted to protest by the sensation of your wet mouth on him, swallowing him down and making his mind go numb replaced the protests with whispers of your names. Haru’s finger slid in slowly, prodding lightly at the warm walls squeezing around him. Once he managed to get the angle right Souske gave a loud yelp and started pushing in your mouth faster. His cock was twitching and leaking and you could feel his release terribly close. Detaching your mouth and gripping firmly at his base you looked up at Sousuke’s squirming form.

“Are you going to let me sleep in your bed, Sou?” His eyes shot open in surprise at the sudden change of topic. He grit his teeth at all the sensations. At his silence you bent down and gave a lick to his oversensitive head, making him rut but still preventing his release. Going crazy in his desire to cum, Sousuke finally gave up and agreed “Fine” Happy with his answer you gave Haru a wink and released your grip. With a few final twirls of your tongue, Sousuke filled your waiting mouth with white strings of pleasure. You swallowed and Haru withdrew his fingers from his scorching cavern and you both laid on Sousuke’s chest in exhaustion. The teal eyed male was finding it hard to catch his breath and said panting.

“God, if this is how you are going to wake me up, you can both sleep in by bed!” he said pretending to have the upper hand. He came to regret that statement later because you did abuse the privilege he gave you. 


	9. Demons of the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected call forces (F/N) to deal with parts of her past she thought she had put behind her. There is an important decision for her to make but it seems that even her amazing partners can't always give the best advice when the problem hits a bit too close to home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a new chapter introducing some back story for reader and how the guys react to the situation based on their own life-experience. Warning, it is again a more darker chapter but I hope you enjoy it. Stay happy guys and thank you for the support!

Family. A term that either fills your heart with warmth or makes you cringe just thinking of the next Christmas dinner that you will have to endure. Very much unlike in Sims, in real life family is one of the things you cannot choose for yourself. If your granny insists on stuffing you full of food and knitting you sweaters that you could never bring yourself to wear outside the house, you just smile and appreciate the effort. If your uncle tends to get drunk at family gatherings and tell the same old stories over and over again you have to pretend to pay attention each time and just count the minutes till the end. And when your brother always decides to jump in the shower when you need to use the bathroom you swallow it down and swear to take your revenge later. Unfortunately, there is no way to click a couple of buttons and make their bad qualities disappear. You have to accept whatever family you were born in and live with it. This doesn’t mean, however, that when your father decided to walk out of your life eight years ago you didn’t have the right to be angry. And you were. All through your teenage years you harbored bottomless hate for the man. Just thinking about him filled your chest with bubbling anger, not only because of what he had done but also because of what that meant about you. Self-doubt kept creeping in your thoughts, even though you tried to chase it away with all your might. You wondered what you had done wrong or what you could have done to keep him. Eventually you came to realize that it had nothing to do with you and you came to terms with the situation by pushing the thoughts about it deep deep down in a long forgotten corner of your brain, never to be touched again.

The things you don’t want to think about, however, have a way of creeping up on you. It wasn’t slow or gradual, like a climb up the cavern you had buried those thoughts in would be. No. It was with the speed of light. Nauseating feeling hitting you right in the stomach as soon as you heard the voice on the other end of the line. A call from an unknown number and the words _“Hello, honey, it’s dad.”_ was all that was needed to bring the storm of emotions back into your mind and make you dizzy. Utter shock swallowed your being and all you could do was quickly press red receiver. The only sound left in the room was the thumping of your own heart, deafeningly loud in your ears. The phone buzzed again and you threw it on the kitchen island like it was hot iron. What right did he have, after so much time, to waltz right back into your life. In the version of reality you had constructed for yourself, he did not exist. For a couple of years now he was not part of your thoughts and definitely not part of your life. The phone kept buzzing and buzzing against the counter but you couldn’t bring yourself to even touch it. It was like your whole world came crashing down and suddenly the apartment felt too small and constricting. It felt like there was no air and you couldn’t breathe anymore.

Grabbing a jacket and your keys you ran outside. The light of the day was slowly fading out and the city was rushing after working hours. You bumped into somebody but you just kept going. Your mind was so busy that it actually felt blank. No comprehensive thought could float to the surface of the muddy pond that your head was turning in. Maybe you would feel better at the bottom of a bottle. You got one. Something cheap and foul smelling, which burned down your throat but the heat was better than the feeling of emptiness that was drowning your body. Your feet kept soundlessly pattering down the busy pavement while you floated through an alternative dimension between the cold reality and the desire to not be there. Flashes of people, signs, sounds, smells, assaulted your senses but you quickly blocked them taking long gulps of the bottle that was now glued to your hand. Slowly the sky got darker and the lights got brighter and you found yourself on a bench in the local park looking at the reflections dancing like fireflies on the surface of the pond. The wind was getting stronger and disturbing the water but you didn’t feel it piercing your body like you usually would. You only felt confusion. A million questions swam in your head. Why did he call you? What did he want? Could you ever answer him? Did he deserve it? Was he dying? Why did he leave? Why did he wait eight years to call? How did he find your number? With what eyes was he ever going to look at you? Did he feel ashamed for what he had done? Had he missed you?

Many questions and no answers. You weren’t sure if you even wanted to get any because every time you thought of speaking to him, let alone seeing him, anger started brewing in the pit of your stomach and you felt so hurt that you were sure the pain you were feeling in your chest was as real as the aftermath of a punch. Soon there was nothing left of the poison and you absentmindedly dropped the bottle next to you, the glass connecting with the metal surface of the bench with a loud thud. Your head was starting to spin. Your eyes were looking at the water rippling but they were not seeing. Strong hands grabbed your shoulders but you couldn’t be startled out of your trance so easily until you felt soft warm lips with a familiar taste connect with yours. Teal eyes looked at you worriedly and the kneeling form in front of you, embraced you tightly. You felt that your face was wet. You had probably been crying. Everything around you however was also soaking. It had been raining. You had no idea for how long. It was hard to focus on his face because everything just seemed a bit blurry. Your mouth felt dry and your face flushed. It was probably the alcohol. Sou pulled you up and helped you climb on his back. You were happy about that because your legs were wobbly and probably couldn’t have carried you home. You draped your arms around his neck and buried your face in the scruff of his neck. His smell was comforting. It carried the promise of warmth and care, and it was what you needed. You felt a bit safer from the monsters that were haunting you.

As soon as you were back in the heat of your apartment you felt extremely sick. You barely made it to the bathroom. Sou patiently held your hair and rubbed soothing circles on your back until you were done. He didn’t really say anything just whispered sweet nothings to you in an attempt to stay connected. He made you brush your teeth and pulled you towards your bedroom. Haru approached lightly but Sou shook his head and he left. He changed you into our pajamas and tucked you into bed. You didn’t protest. Looking at your pained face was making his stomach turn with anger but he didn’t really know what to do to help you through this. He brushed the hair out of your drunk sleepy face and stood to leave you to rest but you pulled him back.

“Stay” You whispered in the quiet room because you really didn’t want to be alone. He took his jeans off and made his way under the covers. Snuggled in his chest, you felt a bit better. Sou thought to himself that if holding you was what you needed he would do it forever. He kissed your forehead and you slowly drifted off.

The dreams, however, were even worse that the reality of your mind. There were no clear images just the constant feeling of pain and betrayal and rejection all mixing together in an endless cocktail of suffering. You thought you were going to drown when something shook you out of it.

“(F/N), wake up, it’s just a dream.” Warm hands were stroking your damp forehead and you squeezed tighter into the male. “Hey, hey it’s ok, I am here.” He hugged you tight while your rapid breathing calmed down. When you seemed calm enough, Sousuke pulled back a bit and looked at your face.

“Are you ok?” It was a bit of a stupid question but he wanted to hear words escaping your mouth, as proof that you were still with him.

“Not really.” You admitted and looked back at him. It was still dark outside and the only light in the room came from the bedside lamp he had turned on. Your head was still spinning and you were sure you were going to have a huge hangover in the morning. “How did you find me?”

“I know where you go when you are upset.” He stated but by the inquiring look piercing him he knew he needed to continue. “Your phone was left on the kitchen counter and it kept buzzing and buzzing. Always the same number. You weren’t coming back home so I got worried that something might have happened to you so I finally picked up.” Your eyes shot wide open in utter surprise “You haven’t talked about him but we sensed something was not entirely right with the situation. When he pleaded with me to make sure that you listened to the messages he left you and to tell you he was sorry, I pieced two and two together.” If you knew that your dad would be making a surprise comeback in your life, you probably would have told the guys the whole story about him. However, it was something that you didn’t easily talk about and you thought there was no need to bring spoiled memories back.

“Eight years…” Your voice came out as a mere whisper but you willed yourself to continue “eight years he hasn’t called; he hasn’t tried to contact me in any way. Not a single word. He not only left my mother, he left his children too, without a goodbye or an explanation.” You turned on your back and stared at the dark ceiling. You didn’t want to see the worry and the sympathy that was definitely swimming in the teal eyes of your partner “Do you know what it’s like to be questioning yourself for years, to feel like you are not good enough and to constantly look for somebody else’s stamp of approval just because of one person’s selfish decision.” Tears of anger welled in the corners of your eyes and started racing down your cheekbones. Soft fingers brushed them away. You hated feeling so weak. “What right does he have to call after so many years. I had shut that part of my life away for good and now look at me.” You wiped your own face angrily and sniffed quietly “The worst thing is, I want to hear his reasons for leaving but I also want to make him suffer as much as I did. What does that mean about me?” You finally turned to face Sou and you were met with the concern you were expecting, but also mingled in there was fury.

“It means nothing about you, (F/N). It shows that you are hurt and rightfully so.” He drew you closer and hugged you into his chest. “You have the right to be angry but it’s also not wrong to want to meet him and put an end to this. This is a decision that only you can take.” He kissed your head and kept stroking your hair. You were frustrated because there was no clear path to take and the decision was not going to be easy. Swallowing down your anger and facing him would be like admitting defeat in the battle that he started for the sake of answers you had no guarantee would bring what you wanted to hear. But for how long could you go on hanging onto this wrath?

“I know” You sighed and hugged him tight. The rise and fall of Sousuke’s chest slowly lulled you to sleep in the warmth of his embrace. Now that all was out in the open you slept better, not very well, but still better than the nightmare you were having before.

* * *

You woke up to the smell of breakfast cooking in the kitchen, a pounding in your head and an empty bed. Slowly you walked in the living room and it was like your mood had soaked into every wall of the apartment. The silence was only disturbed by the sizzling of bacon and the guys looked at you worriedly. That probably fueled by the dark circles under your eyes which made you look like a walking ghost. You looked at Sou questioningly, trying to find out whether he said anything but he shook his head and gave you a sign that maybe you should. You knew you should but you didn’t feel like breaking down and starting your day with crying, especially with the serious case of hangover going on.

“You can tell them.” You confirmed and walked into the bathroom to take a much needed shower. The water was definitely refreshing and it felt like it washed away some of the shame about getting ridiculously drunk and having to be carried home while proceeding to break down and cry like a baby. When you walked out, towel wrapped snuggly around your body you were met with even more concerned looks. They didn’t know what to say and you didn’t blame them because you knew you wouldn’t either if you were in their position.

“Sou, where is my phone?” You asked on the way to get changed as he handed you a couple of tablets and a glass of water. “Over there on the living room table” He pointed behind you and you glanced to confirm.

“Are you going to call him?” Rin glanced at you from under red banks.

“No… I don’t know… I have to think about it” You answered honestly and to your surprised Rin seemed to look a bit disappointed.

“Maybe you should.” He prompted softly to which your head spun in surprise and you glared at him.

“And maybe I won’t” You bit back and turned away to swallow your pills.

“Leave her alone Rin.” Haru joined you in the kitchen and put a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “You don’t owe him anything, (F/N).”

“Thank you, Haru.” You tried to smile at him and walked away to go get changed into something else than a towel. You could have stayed curled up on you bed staring into nothing for ages if Sou had not come to drag you out for breakfast. The food was good, much like anything Sousuke made but you didn’t have the appetite to finish it all and you took only enough to settle your churning stomach. You excused yourself and grabbed some study materials, to try and complete some of the tasks you had for the day. In no way was the appearance of that asshole going to make your life stop at a standstill. You had lived normally before he called and you would do so now as well. The guys hustled and bustled around the house. Sousuke eventually went to the gym as he had the first half of the day free, Rin went to practice and Haru headed to his lectures. The thick books of knowledge didn’t prove to be a big distraction however and you kept glancing at your phone, lying on the table nearby. You wondered what would be on those messages but the thought of hearing his voice made your stomach turn. Coming to terms with the fact that you were not going to be productive today you opted for reading a book, but the words kept swimming in front of your eyes and instead of diving in an imaginary world you drowned in your own memories. You needed another form of entertainment, something more distracting to occupy your mind, so you turned on the console and chose for a violent game hoping that it will satisfy your need for revenge. Rin came back home from training together with Haru and while Haru went to take a bath, Rin settled down next to you and took the second controller. You weren’t in the mood to talk and Rin seemed to respect that so you just played in silenve, the only sounds coming from the TV in front of you.

Eventually Rin paused the game and went to grab you two something to drink. Instinctively you reached for your phone and stared at it, hoping for a sign that would tell you what to do. The cushions dipping next to you startled you and you accepted the glass of juice that was handed to you. Rin was very much aware of the phone in your hand so he asked carefully.

“Have you decided what you are going to do?” He sipped his drink and you continued staring at the phone. No you hadn’t and that made you mad. You threw it on the further end of the couch.

“I haven’t.” You sipped the juice and sweetness slid coolly down your throat. “I kind of want to find out what he wants but I am still extremely mad at him.” You admitted and Rin turned to face you.

“But he is family and he wants to restore the relationship he had with you.”

“So what?!” You looked at him with fury “I should just run in his arms like nothing happened and pretend he didn’t ever abandon me!” You put your glass down on the table with a loud thud.

“No, but he is your father (F/N), why would you pretend he doesn’t exist?” He looked at you with utter confusion and you couldn’t help but grow angrier.

“Why are you taking his side, Rin? You are my boyfriend, you are supposed to support me, not my asshole father.”

“I am not taking his side” He tried to quickly defend himself but you interrupted him

“But you are!” You raised your voice at him

“I am just trying to make sure you don’t make a huge mistake.”

“He walked out of my life.” You interrupted him furiously again “He didn’t try to contact me for eight years, Rin. He threw away any relationship that we had.” “But now he wants to make amends. That should count for something, shouldn’t it?” He tried to keep you still by grabbing your shoulders. His crimson eyes bore into yours with intensity but your anger was stronger.

“Why are you so set on me having a relationship with my dad” You pushed him away.

“Because I never could!”

The truth you didn’t know cut the anger and fury out of you. The moment between you stood still and streams of sorrow rolled down Rin’s cheeks.

“My father died when I was young and I never got to be close to him. I don’t even remember him that much anymore.” You sat there dumbfounded and all your anger just seemed stupid now. You had taken your confusion at your boyfriend without knowing what it would trigger. Rin never talked about his dad so you just assumed he left them, much like yours did and you never questioned him about it because you knew how painful it could be. You never imagined however that he was dead and that Rin was harboring all this pain behind his gleeful smile.

“I am sorry, Rin.” You drew him close and hugged him. You didn’t know how to make this better. He hugged you back.

“I am sorry too, (F/N).” You stoked slowly through his red locks. “I just miss him so much sometimes and I don’t even know how I can miss somebody I don’t actually know that well.” His hot breath was on your neck and you felt your shoulder slightly damp.

“It’s ok, Rin. If you ever need to talk about it, I am here for you.” When he calmed down a bit he withdrew from your arms and wiped his eyes.

“You don’t have to have a strong relationship with your dad, (F/N). I just don’t want you to later regret not talking to him while you still could. But whatever decision you take, I will support you no matter what.” It was nice to have him on your side. You cuddled up on the couch and stayed there for a long while. Rin eventually opened up and shared with you some of his memories with; his dad and how they used to go fishing together, and how he thought him to swim. The melancholic smile on his face and his eyes looking into the distance like he was looking straight into the memory made your lips curl up as well. It was therapeutic for both of you.

* * *

Throughout the week Rin’s words kept swimming in your head and they seemed to make your decision even harder. Eventually you listened to the messages your dad left. They didn’t however sound as you expected. You though there would be half-though up excuses and hardly believable reasons, because that was what the villain you had painted in your mind over eight years would have said. There was an admission, however. He told you that he understood why you wouldn’t want to talk to him and that he was sorry and that he knew what an asshole he had been. He wanted to meet with you and talk. Sort things out. He wanted to explain, he wanted to know about your life and if you could, he wanted your forgiveness. Apparently he had already reconciled with your brother and now he really wanted to do the same with you but he was ready to give you as much space as you needed.

When you first heard him you were mad about how sincere he sounded and the fact that he was trying to be all high and mighty, looking for salvation of his soul or whatever. You were also mad at your brother and you mother about now giving you the heads up about this. You called your brother and expressed this very strongly but he told you he didn’t want to sway your opinion and that is why he didn’t tell you. You thought that was bullshit. You asked him how he bore to be in the same room with the man because as far as you knew your brother harboured the same feelings towards your father you did, and he told you he needed to move on. You wondered when he got so mature.

Endless days of mental torture were taking their toll. You weren’t sleeping or eating well. You couldn’t concentrate on anything and as much as you partners were giving you the space to decide they were starting to get worried. One evening after dinner Sou walked into your room to find you sat on the floor staring at the ceiling.

“(F/N), this needs to stop. We are worried about you.” You slowly looked at him and you were startled by the intensity of his eyes. “You have to decide because this is draining you. Whatever decision you take we will support you but you need to take one soon because you are only hurting yourself like this.” He sat next to you and turned you to face him and kissed your forehead. “This said, if you don’t decide tonight, I will make the decision for you because I can’t watch you do this to yourself” He squeezed you tight and left you to decide.

You had been struggling with admitting that ever since you spoke with your brother, you wanted to meet with the guy. It wasn’t that you were no longer angry or that you were ready to forgive him but you needed to put all the craziness roaming your mind to rest and face the problem head on. Whether it will rebuild your relationship or completely sever it, something needed to happen and the way to do it was meeting your old man and hearing him out. However, you would have lied if you said that Rin’s story had nothing to do with your decision. Seeing his pain but also the fondness with which he remembered his father made you realize that if your dad was to die at that moment you probably would regret not speaking to him. You would be left with a lot of unanswered questions that will follow you till the end of your life and keep tormenting you. Truth was, for better or worse, you were ready to move on.

* * *

You walked into the living room where the guys were watching some action film. Haru was sitting on the floor and finishing a drawing, as this type of entertainment wasn’t his thing, while Sou and Rin were cuddled together on the couch. When they heard your steps all of them turned questioningly to you. Rin tapped the space on the couch next to him and you sat down, taking a big inhale.

“It’s done…. I called him and I am meeting him tomorrow afternoon for coffee.” A sense of relief came over the room. Rin drew you into his chest and Sou kissed you warmly while Haru stroked your thigh. Nothing more needed to be said.

* * *

You were getting ready for the meeting with your father in the afternoon. You stomach was turning with anxiety and you began imagining what the meeting would be like; how it would feel to see him again. A knock came from your door and you shouted a confirmation to answer. Haru slipped inside the room and sat hesitantly on your bed. You felt something was a bit off with him.

“What is wrong, Haru?” You turned to face him.

“I think you are making a mistake.” This came as a surprise to you because you though all three of your partners were on-board with your decision.

“Don’t let him just come back into your life and do as he pleases. He left you. You should teach him a lesson.” Even though his tone of voice would have sounded flat to any outsider you heard the pain seeping in.

“I am not letting him waltz back into my life, Haru.” You sat next to him and took his palm into your hands. “But I can’t keep going on like this. I am tired of being angry all the time and I need to do this for myself. I need closure.”

“But what if he hurts you again?” His blue orbs trembled with emotion.

“He won’t, because I won’t let him.” You squeezed his hand. “But I need to tell him what I feel and I need to heard why he left, whether I like it or not. It’s time to face my demons and move on.” He moved his gaze slowly to the floor and his black banks fell over his eyes. “Maybe it is time for you to also talk to your parents, Haru. Put it behind you.” His gaze shot up. He always thought that he was a closed book to people and he liked it that way but now he was looking at a person who could read him so easily. He had changed, he realized, and maybe he needed to take the next step.


End file.
